


Human Landscapes

by grimorie



Category: Life (TV)
Genre: Case Fic, Gen, Partnership, partnershippery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-09
Updated: 2010-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimorie/pseuds/grimorie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary</b>: <i>the sound of the city tonight / keeps my dreams and my demons alive</i>. Reese and Crews solve the murder of two young drug dealers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers**: Set after _Serious Control Issues_, slight spoilers to _Fill it Up_  
> **Disclaimers**: Does not belong to me even though I wish it was.   
> **A/N**: Much and many thanks to my betas [](http://butterflykiki.livejournal.com/profile)[**butterflykiki**](http://butterflykiki.livejournal.com/), [](http://nuit-belle.livejournal.com/profile)[**nuit_belle**](http://nuit-belle.livejournal.com/) and for [](http://denynothing1.livejournal.com/profile)[**denynothing1**](http://denynothing1.livejournal.com/) and [](http://15lbpurebunny.livejournal.com/profile)[**15lbpurebunny**](http://15lbpurebunny.livejournal.com/) for putting up with my thousand and one questions. Any faults and errors are mine.
> 
> Summary taken from Tom McRae's _Sounds of the City_ and the title from Nazim Hikmet's [_HUMAN LANDSCAPES FROM MY COUNTRY (An Epic Novel in Verse)_](http://the-grynne.livejournal.com/535153.html)
> 
> * * *

 

did you fall / on your way /

it's a long way down

\-- Finally, The Frames

1.

_The city lived. It pulsed in the night. She shouldn't be here, watching the cars pass by, contemplating doing what she knew she shouldn’t be doing._

_Her mother used to tell her stories of Odysseus and the siren’s call, how his men had to tie him up to keep him safe and how he would cry out to be set free. Free to follow the sirens that would lead to his ultimate destruction. Back then she didn’t understand how someone would want to willingly destroy themselves that they had to be tied up to be saved._

_She had no rope but the white knuckled grip on the wheel and the debate raging in her head. She shouldn’t be here._

-/-

Dani was five when her father first brought her to Parker Center, a detective, recently made sergeant.

"I just have to pick up some papers." He told her. They were supposed to go to a birthday party but they stopped by the station on the way. He sat Dani on his chair. "Be a good little girl and behave."

She nodded solemnly, wide eyed and impressed at all the men in uniform. Dani loved looking at the uniforms she craned her neck but found she was too small, so she clambered up her father's desk. They all had the same uniform her father some times wore.

The other cops patted her head and gave her candy and by the time her father returned her ponytail was askew and her hands were sticky.

Her father frowned, took out his handkerchief. "Wipe your mouth and hands, Dani."

"Aw,” she heard one of the police officers, “it’s just candy, Jack."

"Talk to me when you have kids," her father returned then lifted her off the table. "Next time don't eat candy on my desk, Dani."

-/-

The call came as the morning wound down. It was a slow morning and most of it spent on paperwork and trying to ignore Crews' new mutant fruit.

Reese was on her second cup of coffee and debated about getting a third when her phone let out a series of shrieks. She answered it on the fourth ring and listened to dispatch give vague details about their new case: possible double homicide, uniforms already on the way to the crime scene. Just as she finished jotting down the information Crews placed a yogurt on her desk. She stared at it.

"Lunch," he explained.

She reached behind for her jacket.

"It's not going to bite, Reese."

"Yeah, okay," she pocketed the yogurt, "thanks."

-/-

Her father didn't like his new partner and expressed it in a number of ways, coming home every night with a new laundry lists of complaints: she was a rookie, she was too eager, she was a woman, she talked too much, listened too little, expected to be treated just like one of the guys… He went on and on but as weeks moved into months his complaints lessened then one day he came home with a puzzled frown and his complaints stopped.

Her mother remarked, “You haven’t talked about your partner in a while.”

Jack put down his paper to look at her mother thoughtfully then shrugged. “She’s not so bad.”

It was the highest accolade Jack Reese could ever give.

The first time Dani met Karen Davis she was fourteen, in that awkward stage caught between actively rebelling and aimlessly following people around. Her mother didn't know what to do with her and her father's response to any rebellion was strict discipline.

Her father had dragged her in the station after her mother caught her trying to escape her room. She was supposed to go to a concert, sulking all week when her mother sided with her father and forbade her to go to the concert.

Dani was determined to watch the concert and devised a plan to leave the house. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on her side and just as she was about to leave disaster struck: Her mother entered her room at the same moment she’d stuck her foot out the window.

It was almost comical, Dani straddling the window half her body outside the house and her mother, frozen in surprise.

Her father was furious, dragged her to the station so he could ‘keep an eye on her’. He deposited her on his workstation and ordered her to stay put or he’ll send her marching into one of the cells.

If Dani were older she would have marched out of the station but she knew her father enough to know his threats were never idle. She didn’t like being in the station or near other cops. The way they treated her father anyone would think he walked on gold.

In retaliation she climbed his table and sat on top, placed her Doc Martens on the nearest chair and proceeded to glare at everyone.

"Drugs and money."

Startled, Dani looked up. It was her father's new partner. Karen something. The one who talked too much. "What?"

"Statistical fact, 85 of the crimes committed in the city is motivated by drugs and money."

She was fourteen but if there was something she was good at, it was smelling bullshit. "You made that up."

"Oh, yeah?" Karen crossed her arms, "what makes you say that?"

Dani smirked. "I can always tell when people are lying."

"Can you now?"

"My dad taught me." It was a lie. Her father didn't like her knowing anything about being a cop. He’d lectured her about staying away from the force. As if she needed any incentive to stay away. She hated cops. "Anyway, he's your boss."

"Technically, but he's also my partner."

"There's a difference?"

"Worlds," Karen said in a way that made Dani angrier, as if she knew something Dani didn’t. "You'll find out once you get here."

"I'll never be like him." She vowed and stamped her foot on the chair for emphasis.

"That's a shame," Karen pushed Dani's foot from the chair and started dusting.

Dani told herself she didn’t want to know but still couldn't help blurting, "Yeah?” Dani injected a more belligerent tone, “Why's that?"

Karen placed the folder on the table, looked Dani in the eye. "Because I think you're natural police."

"You're joking."

"About being a cop?" She raised her eyebrows at Dani, "I never joke about that."

Dani stared at Karen, not quite knowing how to respond.

"Oh, and Dani?" Karen sat on her chair, "I don't mind you sitting on my table but if I catch you putting your feet on my chair again, I'll shoot you."

-/-

“Are you sure this is the building Stark told you about?”

Crews unbuckled his seatbelt, poked his head out the window like a dog. “That’s what he told me.” He pulled his head back in and mulled her dashboard, “Maybe you need GPS.”

“I have GPS,” she cut off her engines, “I just don’t use it.”

“GPS is a very helpful device.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Then tell me why you don’t have one.”

He looked at her head tilted and blinked like an owl. “Because I don’t want the Man to track me.”

Reese stepped out of the car before her eyes could pop out from rolling so much. “Are we back to this thing?” She looked up the building, even with her sunglasses she was almost blinded by the sun then looked at the street. “I don’t see any black and whites. Call Stark again.”

“Or we could use your never used GPS.”

“I don’t get lost,” Reese tamped down on the urge to smack him across the head. She didn’t need Anger Management Issues on top of everything else on her file. “Call Stark.”

“Say ‘please’ first,” Crews said, taking out his phone, “it’s only good to be polite.”

“Please call Stark before I shove your phone up your—“

He beamed at her and placed the phone against his ear, “That wasn’t so hard was it?”

-/-

Leyla Ebadi came to America to study. Her father was a businessman; while not exactly rich her family was wealthy enough to send their daughter to the best schools their money could buy. Leyla studied literature; her brother, Darius had left a few months earlier to return to Iran. He studied to be a lawyer and was active in the Iranian Student Coalition. He waved around books about Marx and spoke of the Shah’s injustices and working for a better future.

“I don’t think you should talk like that when you get home,” she cautioned him.

Her brother was not impressed. “You’re only talking like that because you’re used to talking softly.”

“Just promise to be careful,” she begged him. “Iran isn’t America.”

Darius smiled. “Always.”

And then she was alone in a different country and culture, she found her brother’s friends too taxing and while she enjoyed the talks about change in Iran Leyla didn’t share the same passion Darius had and found herself drifting from the ISC.

Leyla had few friends but frequently found herself in the church, the Ebadis were one of the few Christian families in Iran. Church became a refuge and this was where Leyla met a young officer of the law, a pious young man who went by the name Jack Reese.

They met entirely by accident. Young Officer Reese had gone to donate his meager salary to the Blessed Sisters charity and had somehow missed seeing Leyla. He tripped and fell and Leyla had raised hell. The next day, Jack returned to the church but instead of donations he had flowers and Leyla was charmed. And then they fell in love.

It was only when Dani was older did she really understand the story behind that simple statement. It was 1977 and despite everything, Leyla was still a Persian woman and Jack was still a white American man. But for the purposes and intents of her mother’s story, it was that simple: They fell in love.

Leyla kept in touch with her family through letters and long distance calls but it was Darius who kept her appraised about the political situation in Iran. Leyla frequently broached the subject of migrating to America but this was one subject father and son were united about: Iran was their home and they would not leave, for her father it was because he was secure in his knowledge that all of this would blow over, that Iran has endured and will continue to endure. Darius’ believed different, he believed that progress will happen.

Happy as she was about her life in America she still worried about her family and then it happened: A year later the first major political demonstration broke out – the reports were varied and when the news finally came it was exactly as she feared. The soldiers opened fire into the crowd, 70 people were killed, including her brother.

A few months later Leyla Ebadi married Officer Jack Reese in a small private ceremony among their closest friends and in 1979 at the height of the bloody Iranian revolution Jack and Leyla’s only daughter was born.

-/-

As it turned out, they weren't lost. They were in the right place but the wrong side of the building.

Crews was a crap navigator or more likely he did it on purpose. Reese wouldn't put it past him. After climbing the steps Reese finally saw the uniforms.

Stark was already on the steps, thumb stuck on his belt with a smirk.

"You got lost?"

"No." She nodded to the apartment SID and a few uniforms swarmed in and out, one or two had masks on, "What happened here?"

"Double homicide, neighbor found the bodies."

Crews stepped away from her and crouched near the doorknob, "No sign of forced entry."

"They knew the killer," she offered before stepping past him and ground to a halt. The windows were covered with cardboard and duct tape and the room was littered with garbage bags, broken bottles, tubes and a strong smell of piss, ammonium and a lot of things filled the air. God-fucking-_damn_.

Eight months back in the force and since that time she didn't catch one homicide directly connected with drugs except that one time in the crack den her first week with Crews, something she didn't care to relive and now this.

"Reese?"

"Something wrong, detective?" Stark didn't even bother to hide the amusement in his voice.

"It's a meth lab," Reese refused to look at anywhere but the bodies on the floor. "Drug deal gone wrong?"

"Reese," Crews called again. She glanced at him. He was looking at her intently worry and concern in his eyes.

She turned back and pulled out her gloves. "SID done with the forensic work?" One of the SID guys nodded. "Then open the windows."

Reese didn't wait for them to act and proceeded to work the scene. Or at least she tried to but someone caught her elbow, Reese spun around, fist clenched.

Crews immediately let go of her arm. "I'm thirsty, Reese, I think we should get coffee."

"I'm good." She returned, determined to work.

"I'm not," he was sincere and coaxing, "C'mon, I get lost." She didn't move and he added, "Crime scene will still be here when we get back. It's just five minutes."

SID were still processing, air was clearing and it was a sunny day in the Greater Los Angeles area and she was standing in a meth lab. Her head was pounding.

“Get this room aired out,” she told the SID girl with the camera then to Crews, “Let’s go.”

"I think,” Crews began again, “the coffee shop downstairs has a fruit selection."

"How the hell do you know that?"

Crews smiled at her, open, eyes crinkling at the corners. Sometimes Reese still found his seeming lack of eyelashes disturbing. "Fruit makes the world go round, Reese."


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Dani didn't know how her mother would take to Karen. Normally, wives don't take too well to their husband's blond young female friends or so she's been informed by various magazines, talk shows and soap operas. More importantly, Karen was her father's partner he spent more time with her than with his family. Dani knew, as a cop's kid, that a bond between partners was sacrosanct.

When Karen and Leyla finally met, Dani expected... She didn't know exactly but she didn't expect her mother greeting Karen with smiles and open arms.

"You should come have dinner with us," her mother said, holding Karen's hands. "Jack, you should have invited her sooner!"

"I see her 24 hours a day already," her father grumbled, "I have enough women around me."

Karen laughed, "You're a cranky bastard, Jack."

Dani's eyes widened. No one spoke to her father that way but to her surprise he laughed. Dani stared at him, as if he'd grown another head.

"Dinner," her mother insisted, "tomorrow evening. I insist."

"Alright," Karen said, "it's not everyday a lowly cop gets invited in for a free meal."

Later, on the way to their car her mother said, "I like Karen." She turned a smile at Dani, "She'll be good for our little one."

Dani scowled, "I'm not little."

"Karen's a good cop, she'll go far," agreed her father and turned a sideways glance at Dani, "You would be lucky to be half as good as Karen."

"Jack..." her mother began.

Complimenting someone to hounding her in one breath didn't surprise Dani; the fact it took him almost half an hour to do so, did.

"No, let me talk." He stopped, faced Dani, "I saw your grades."

Dani stuck her chin out. "My grades are fine."

"'Fine'?" Jack repeated, "I expect 'better', I expect 'excellent'. I do not expect 'fine' not from my daughter. You'll do well to remember that 'fine' will get you nowhere in this world."

"Jack," her mother pulled at his arm, "let's go."

He stared at Dani. "I want better grades, Dani, do we understand each other?"

She glowered, she wanted to tell him where to take his 'understanding' what she said instead was, "Yes, sir."

"Good, get in the car."

-/-

Reese watched the black BMW park from across the coffee shop and just by looking determined the BMW violated at least 3 traffic laws. Out of habit Reese mentally took down its plates. She scraped the bottom of the yogurt. Beside her, Crews said something inane about frogs. She was used to Crews enough to know he was talking just for the sake of talking.

The yogurt Crews gave was, to no surprise, fruit flavored and despite its lukewarm temperature still tasted great. The things money could buy.

Davis called a few minutes earlier. Since she had yet to update Davis it unnerved Reese that the Lieutenant had someone checking up on her. She didn't like thinking about it. She'd been paranoid before and didn't care for the feeling.

"Is this going to be a problem?" Davis asked half concerned, half measuring.

"Its meth," she answered by explanation then added as the silence stretched. "It wasn't my drug of choice."

"It's still drugs, Dani."

Crews balanced two cups on one hand and a fruit package in the other.

"Crews is here."

"Alright."

Reese signed off as Crews offered the coffee. "Davis is going to pass by."

"We'll be up by then," he assured her then sat beside her and started talking about frogs.

A few minutes after watching two more cars commit various traffic violations and enduring Crews' frog talk Reese had enough. "Let's go."

The air in the apartment was clear but the bodies remained untouched. The victims, according to their license, were Alex Sullivan and John Jackson dropouts from USC turned small time dealers.

They had a different address on their license.

"Just like Farthing and Gale." Crews observed.

"I doubt they're anything like Farthingale." Reese put up the licenses, "This place is where they operate but I'm guessin' this address is where they lived."

"White boys playing at dealers." Reese heard Juarez say, contemptuous. As far as Reese was concerned, dealers were dealers. It didn't matter what color their skins were, as long as their product was good and their supply lasted.

"The question we should ask," she told Crews, "is whose toes they stepped on. An operation like this, it's bound to step on a couple of toes."

"They were also suppliers, right?" He was still munching on the taffy apple. "Maybe a few dealers would come by for--"

"A re-up?" Reese mulled this over then shook her head, "something like this would already be out on the street. Dealers would change their routine, only people that would show would be junkies."

"You know an awful lot about the drug trade." Stark remarked.

Crews frowned, "Bobby--"

"I was a narc cop before I turned homicide." She said flatly, "Don't you have doors to canvass?"

He sketched a sarcastic salute, "Yes, ma'am."

Reese didn't bother to respond. He wasn't worth the effort. "First order of business, we have to determine whose territory this area is."

Crews looked to Juarez, Juarez looked back blankly. "What?"

"Do you know?" Crews asked.

Juarez was tall, good-looking, dark haired exactly the type of guy Reese would hook up with in a bar. But in uniform and light of day, he was exactly the type of guy that annoyed her.

"I think this is Cinco territory."

"'Think'?" she repeated, incredulous, "isn't this your beat?"

"It was, detective--"

"Either it is or it isn't, officer."

His face flushed red, Reese raised her eyebrows, dared him to say something that could have him writing tickets for a month. "I'll find out."

"You do that."

-/-

Everybody knew about the Bank of LA shootout. It was hard to miss when it was all anyone– the media, her friends, her teachers-- wanted to talk about. The story was everywhere. It was the ultimate in the long line of surreal and crazy Los Angeles stories, a cool action story to be told and retold until all the facts changed depending on the storyteller.

For Dani, it was a different thing all together.

The shootout was nothing but an endless source of conflict and tension around the house. No one mentioned the incident without one or both of her parents tensing up and starting one of their many low voiced arguments.

Sudden closed doors and arguments punctuated the months following the shootout. Men in suits would arrive in their house leaving her father more forbidding than before, her mother grim and silent.

Dani remembered the morning of the shootout. It was an ordinary day and her father told Leyla he would be gone the rest of the week because of his SWAT team's training maneuvers.

When the news about the bank hold-up came in her mother turned white and fell boneless on the couch and when the dust settled and the news heading changed from 'hold-up' to 'shootout' Leyla's hands turned cold.

Dani sat next to her to comfort her mother. Leyla didn't cry but the grip on Dani's shoulders tightened.

At first, even with all the money lost, her father and his team were hailed as heroes. It became one of the most talked about cop stories anywhere.

But whatever accolade was given came with a price. Scrutiny and suspicion was leveled on her father's team, IA came and went but the investigations seemed routine over and done with with a few amicable pats on the back. A few months after the shootout IA closed the case. A week after the investigation was closed two of her father's friends came to their house. They talked behind closed doors, Dani remembered her mother bringing in food and then appearing moments later with the strangest expression Dani's ever seen. Dani never knew what happened but as soon as Jack's friends left, Leyla re-entered the room and began shouting at her father.

Dani hid inside her room until the fighting was done.

It was the longest fight Leyla and Jack ever had. Dani found herself hyperaware about everything every whisper and gesture could mean anything.

She would lay awake at nights wondering if this was it, the night one or both of her parents would come in and announce their separation. Dani tried imagining how it would happen. She stared at the ceiling and listened to her breathing and tried to ignore the very conspicuous silence.

In the end, nothing came of the fighting. They fought until they stopped fighting, until the fighting slid into the background. another thing they let slip and let go but never forgotten. Somehow, her father managed to win her mother over or very probably it was because their religion forbade it.

The Catholic Church forbade divorce.

Dani didn't know if she should feel relieved or angry, her parents were together but Dani couldn't understand how religion could force a person to stay in a relationship that was clearly broken.

-/-

"He's a good kid," Mrs. Jackson clutched Reese's hands, "he just lost his way! He'd never did this before he met that boy!"

Reese hated this part of the job: the denials, the pleas; stages of grief. She loved other aspects loved puzzling over bits of clues left over a scene, loved asking questions that made suspects sweat, love how it can all come together beautifully that the arrest was just icing.

This part, she didn't love.

She lowered her voice and asked, carefully, quietly, "Do you know anyone who'd like to hurt your son?"

"We haven't spoken in a year," and from the catch in her voice Reese understood it was this admission that broke down the denial and the next words came out in a sob, "My baby boy..."

Reese looked on helpless then caught Crews' eye. He was staring at one of the photos on the mantle, mind miles away. She wondered if he did that because he was as uncomfortable as she was or it was just another thing prison taught him. He put down the picture and approached Mrs. Jackson, touched her shoulder. She looked up, still sobbing.

"We're very sorry for your loss." And he meant it too. He always meant it.

"You know what Davis would say about this?" They were back in the car, much later after the Jacksons and the Sullivans. They were going nowhere. Interviewing Jackson and Sullivan's crew was just as futile. The people they hang around with were posers, hanger-ons. They all had the same thing to say about Jackson and Sullivan:

"They were okay, got money and knew how to get well, y'know." They always end up with an eyebrow waggle and Reese would always return with an expressionless, unimpressed stare.

There was only one other place to go before hitting the—the places where-- Before going some place else.

"Drugs and money," Crews said, obliging. "Hey, Reese."

"Mmm?"

"When you were doing drugs, how did your parents take it?"

The only reason why she didn't swerve off the road was because she expected something like this. "You mean my dad?"

"I meant your parents, your mother."

Reese glanced at Crews, they've come a long way but she wasn't sure she was ready to tell all. If she would ever be ready.

"It broke her heart," she said, after a moment, and left it at that.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

She read somewhere that all happy families were alike and all unhappy families were unhappy in different ways. Dani never finished reading the book but the line stuck with her.

She looked at her family and couldn’t really say what category her family fell into.

Everyone loved Jack Reese. The cops in the station, his superiors, the partners he had over the years, the SWAT team he led. Everyone loved Jack.

Her mother loved her father despite disagreeing with his methods and Leyla would constantly tell Dani stories about her father and it was like looking at Jack from a distilled mirror. Charming, kind and happy.

Leyla told Dani about the times they lived in one of the small apartments making do with whatever they have on hand, struggling to make ends meet but happy. Dani had vague recollections of those moments, sitting on her mother’s lap as her father performed sock puppet shows. It felt like a dream, like it happened to someone else.

Jack ran his family like he ran his unit; he held his family in a steel grip, someone who wanted things done his way or not at all. He didn't like the idea of his daughter acquiring an accent nor did the idea of standing out appeal to him and forbade her mother to speak her native language.

Her mother, modern as she was for her time, was still a traditionalist. She obeyed her husband in his presence but taught Dani Farsi in his absence.

Her father’s job often took him out of the house and it gave Dani and her mother the opportunity to bond. There were even days they could speak Farsi without interruption, trading stories from boys to whatever gossip her mother culled from her friends. It was their secret, an unspoken understanding shared by mother and daughter. It made Dani feel special, like some sort of secret agent on a mission.

But all things considered her life, while not idyllic, was better than most. She had places she could go to, away from the silent sort of tension that permeated the house whenever her father was home. She excelled in school but not for the reasons her father wanted. Dani discovered she didn’t like feeling second best, it irked her something fierce and more than anything she wanted to wipe the smirk off Bianca’s superior, smug face.

Best of all Dani had friends, not the fleeting fly by night acquaintances she seemed to have growing-up but people she could count on. It wasn’t that she lacked for friendly faces but there were certain things, rules she learned growing-up especially if you’re a kid of a white man and a Persian woman. She wasn’t exactly shunned but neither was she always included in, not that she was ever interested in joining in.

Dani was athletic enough to get into groups but was sometimes a little too stand-offish to ever be considered popular. Also, Dani was known as a cop’s kid and that meant other kids thought she’d narc on them.

It wasn’t until Dani met Sheila and Rick that Dani realized what she was missing and that ‘best friends’ meant more than friends you meet on occasion. Sheila was easy to befriend, she was a transferee from San Francisco and Dani was impressed with the beads threading her hair and a little envious of her long legs and olive skin. Rick, on the other hand, took longer for Dani to warm up to. He was lanky and tall and could have joined the basketball team if he had the inclination to (rumor had it Coach McKay cried when Rick flat out refused).

Just as Dani was known as, for better or worse, as the cop's kid, Rick was also known as the Preacher's son. This made Dani wary of Rick. She had enough of religion at home.

It took a failed prank (an incident involving cats they will never, under pain of death, speak of again) to solidify their friendship.

It also helped Rick hardly talked religion.

She also knew Rick had a crush on her, it couldn’t be helped, he was a guy. She knew as soon as she hit puberty that she was attractive. It was hard to miss when she’s around guys. It made her feel self-conscious and she had her work cut out glaring at the more obvious oglers.

Dani liked Rick but never let on she noticed and personally thought Rick would be better off with Sheila.

Her father noticed, of course.

“Who’s that boy who's always hanging out with you?”

Dani dropped her bag on the table, raised her eyebrows. “What boy?”

He twitched the curtain open Dani peered through and saw Rick start the car and Sheila waved at her. “You mean Rick?”

“Who else would I mean?”

“He’s a friend.” Dani said, “He’s been here lots of times, him and Sheila. Mom knows him.”

“Are you dating him?”

“He’s a friend.” She repeated, a little louder.

He narrowed her eyes at her. “I don’t want you to go out with him.”

Dani’s teeth snapped together, she crossed her arms, “Why, ‘cause you said so?”

“Yes, because I said so.”

“You can’t just say that, I’m sixteen I can date whoever I want to date—“

“You’re sixteen, you’re too young.”

“Too young?” She repeated, incredulous. “Other people my age have been dating since they were fourteen!”

“That’s because they don’t have me for a father!”

“That’s right, because they don’t have you as a father!”

He pointed at her. “Don’t take that tone with me, Dani.”

“What tone would that be?”

“As long as you live under my roof,” He growled, practically spitting fire, “you’re going to live by my rules. If I say you’re not dating that boy, you’re not dating! Are we clear, Dani?”

He glared at her. Dani narrowed her eyes and all but bared her teeth. “Crystal.”

The next day, after school, Dani approached Max one of the boneheaded jocks who kept asking her out. Dani waited until he wasn’t surrounded by his leering pack, she approached the locker next to Max’s and leaned against it and waited for him to turn.

“Dani." He sounded surprised.

Dani looked him up and down, crossed her arms. “Pick me up at eight.”

He looked at her. “What?”

“You wanted to go out with me, right?”

He nodded.

“Pick me up at eight.” She repeated then walked away.

After dinner Dani went straight to her room, she glanced at her watch and peered in the living room and saw her father was on the couch, reading on some paperwork he brought back home and her mother was adding some finishing touches to something she’d been working on.

Dani sat in the hall, pretending to study.

The doorbell rang at 8:10.

“Were we expecting company?” Dani heard her father ask, she glanced at his direction and saw him put down his pen.

“Not as far as I know.” Her mother answered with a confused shrug.

The doorbell rang again and her father stood-up and opened the door. Dani stood-up and saw Max's face before he was obscured by her father. “Hi, is—“

“Who the hell are you?”

“Um, I’m Max—“

“Max what?”

“Max Cole, I’m—“

“You’re that jock.”

Max mistook Jack's tone because he said, "Yes, sir I am--"

"What are you doing here?"

It seemed to suddenly dawn on Max that her father was less than pleased to see him. "I-- uh, well, your daughter--"

"What about Dani?"

Dani once snuck-up in one of the observation rooms and saw her father interrogate a man considerably larger than he was but in no time flat Jack Reese had reduced him into a crying mess. He was using the same tone of voice now.

It was probably time to intervene. Dani shrugged out of her jacket and grabbed her bag. “Hi, Max.”

Max barely nodded his head, fixated as he was with her father looming over him.

“Dani, what—“

“Didn’t I say, dad?” She said, deliberately sliding close to Max, “I have a date tonight, Max meet my father, Jack Reese.” She pushed Max out the doorway, “C’mon, let’s go.”

“Dani—“

“Only following your orders to the letter, sir. I’m not going out with Rick.” She walked backwards to better appreciate her father’s furious expression then sketched a sarcastic salute in his direction. “Don’t wait up.”

-/-

"Nice digs."

Reese nodded to the landlord then looked at Crews surveying the apartment with a slow 180-degree turn, looking really impressed. Furniture’s were modern and chrome, a flat screen TV on the wall. Nothing special. "You own a mansion."

"But this is still nice." He gestured to the floor to ceiling window. "And look at the view. It must really look good at night, all the lights."

Reese looked over the mail. "Just a bunch of junk mail here."

"Dealing drugs is a really lucrative business." Reese raised her eyebrows at this statement. Crews scrutinized the computer. "When I was their age I was still struggling with the mortgage and other..." he trailed off at her impatient stare.

"You done?"

He straightened and flattened his tie looking chastened. He reminded Reese of the annoying kids she used to babysit. She went babysitting twice and that was twice too much already.

She looked at the shelf next to the TV. “The Godfather trilogy, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Donnie Brasco, Blow, Las Vegas. All gangster movies.”

“I like The Godfather.” Crews said and frowned. “Or I think I liked The Godfather, it’s been a while.”

“I liked the first movie.” She remarked. She snapped gloves on and pushed the DVDs out of the way, felt for a hidden compartment but the wall was just a wall.

"You should move, Reese." Crews walked to the kitchen. "Some place with a view. Like this place."

"Yeah," she said, not even attempting to hide her sarcasm, "because I have that much money on me." Reese moved to the center and for a second she thought she caught Crews watching her but when she turned he was opening cabinets.

Reese narrowed her eyes but he kept on opening and closing cabinets.

"Nothing incriminating here." His voice was muffled, head stuck inside one of the cabinets.

"We're going to take the computer." She told him. "But if they were smart they'd have nothing here. Most smart dealers don't use or bring their product home."

Crews pulled his head out of the cabinet and bounced to his toes, "Let's hope they weren't smart."

"Let's hope so."

Reese entered one of the rooms the bed was unmade, shoes untidily splayed next to a cabinet. Typical bachelor pad. She glanced around and saw Sullivan's picture together with his mother.

"I don't think they were so smart," Crews said and entered the room with a sheaf of papers in his hands. Reese glanced at him then continued staring at one of the night tables and then moved forward and pulled the drawer open.

There was a needle, a rolled dollar bill and a small bag of coke. Underneath the coke was a portable hard drive. Reese kept her hand on the handle and cocked her head at Crews. "Yeah, not so smart at all."

-/-

After the initial rush everything went downhill from there. They went out to the movies and a dinner. The movie was okay, she enjoyed it but dinner was awkward and boring and when Max brought her out at the popular make out point, she raised her eyebrows and waited curiously for his next move. He kept clearing his throat and kept repeating, ‘So…’ Dani didn’t say anything and let him sweat it out.

He eventually offered her beer he kept in his backseat, the beer was warm and stale but it was something to drink and fill the awkward silence and then Dani felt Max’s arm slide over her armrest to her shoulders. She turned her head, stared at his hand and said, “I think my dad will be looking for me now.”

It was like saying she had herpes or something, he quickly pulled away his arm and started the car. “I think I should bring you home.”

“Maybe you should.” She agreed and sipped her beer again.

The next morning her father glared at her over the kitchen table and her mother let out a breath, shook her head before passing Dani a big cup of coffee. Dani ignored her father and smiled at her mother. Dani knew Jack will find a way to make her pay but now she let him stew in his anger.

School, on the other hand, was different. Dani sat on the steps and waited for Rick and Sheila to appear. Rick appeared first and Dani waved to say ‘hello’ but he blew past her.

“What the hell’s his problem?” Dani demanded as soon as Sheila appeared.

“You know what his problem is.” Sheila said, looking down at her with an expression Dani didn’t like. “How come you didn’t tell me you were going out with Max?”

“News travels fast, that was only last night.”

“Well, Max has a bigger mouth than you do.”

Dani scowled. “That jerk.”

“Rick actually saw you guys enter the movie house last night.” Sheila crossed her arms at Dani’s flabbergasted expression. “Do you have any idea how long I had to listen to Rick gripe about that? All the boys in the school, you chose to go out with Max?”

Dani looked away. “That isn’t any of his business. Anyway, we’re not dating, what does it matter who I date?”

“Girl, I love you, but sometimes I think you’re just plain stupid.” Sheila sat on the steps and pushed back her sunglasses and stared at Dani.

Dani pulled at her bags, looked up at Rick’s retreating back then shook her head, tugged at Sheila’s hand. “He’ll get over it.”

“Yeah, sure he will.” Sheila agreed, “Just sayin’, all the guys, you had to pick Max.”

“He’ll get over it,” Dani repeated.

-/-

“I know nothin’.” The tweaker's name, according to Jackson's notes, was Brody, a DJ for one of the clubs they used to frequent. Brody wasn’t much of a DJ now. He rubbed one hand over one scrawny arm he twitched, looking restless and anxious. Reese kept her hands in her pockets, 23 months clean and she could still feel a sympathetic shake in her hands.

“We’re homicide detectives,” Crews said, “We don’t care about the drugs.”

Reese stared at the space above the tweaker's head. Brody looked at them, wary then eyed her and smiled. His mouth looked terrible rotting teeth and blackened gums. If there was anything she could be thankful about, it was not getting hooked on meth. Track marks healed, a mouth like that…

She took out a photo of Jackson and Sullivan, “These boys your dealer?”

“I don’t know,” he sniffed, nervous. Usually that meant guilt, for addicts short on drugs, it was only par for the course. “What happened to ‘em?”

“They were murdered,” she passed the picture to Crews and took her hand back to her pocket. It smelled like sweat and piss in the room. She’d smelled worse, lived in worse. Reese ruthlessly crushed that line of thinking. “Did you kill them?”

“Hell, no!” It was the first sure thing out of his mouth.

“Are you sure?” Reese gestured towards him, “I mean, looking at you I can tell you haven’t been on anything for a while, maybe you got desperate, maybe you went to their home and—“

“No, no, no, no!” each word louder then than the last. Crews moved forward and Brody cringed and whimpered.

“But do you know who’d like to kill them?” Crews asked picking-up her thread. Back when they first started Reese thought they’d never agree on anything, that interrogating with Crews would be impossible, now they had a rhythm, a movement. He could drive her crazy at other times but he could read her mind as easy as breathing and vice versa.

“You tell us and we’ll walk out of your door and you can go back doing,” she gestured at the table. The one she wasn’t looking at, the one with the empty capsules, broken needles and bent spoons. “Whatever.”

“Just like that?” He looked dubious, “You ain’t gonna bother me anymore?”

“If you got nothin’ to do with the murder, we’re not going to bother you.” Reese modulated her voice, the one junkies heard as trustworthy.

“There were these guys,” Brody rubbed his arms, “I heard them hassling JJ and Sully.”

“Which guys?” Charlie asked.

“Them guys, y’know, the spics,” he crossed his arms, tried to disappear into the woodwork, “there, I told you.”

Reese frowned. “Can you describe what they look like?”

“I wasn’t looking at them." He sniffed, looked at the floor, "I was looking at my stash, y’know?”

Crews shrugged and Reese nodded in turn. “Alright, we’re gone but if you remember anything call Detective Crews.”

If Crews was surprised at Reese for volunteering his number he didn’t show it, he pulled out a business card and passed it to the junkie. They turned and headed for the door.

“Hey, hey!”

They stopped.

“Look, since we be givin’ numbers and all, maybe you can spare a dollar? I’ll pay you back,” he grinned at them, flashing his rotten teeth. “I just need to buy food I haven’t eaten in three days…”

“I have fruit,” Crews replied and pulled an apple from his jacket, Reese stared at it.

“What, man?” Brody looked completely taken aback. Reese knew the feeling.

“Fresh fruit can fill your stomach,” Crews placed the apple in the junkies’ hand, “but laughter and peace can fill your soul.” He clapped the man by the shoulders and beamed, “Good day.”

Crews turned, beamed at Reese too and walked out. Reese caught Brody's flummoxed expression, she realized she wore the same expression as the junkie’s and followed her partner out.

She was going to take a long shower when she got home, the crack den smell clung to her she might even have to scrub her jacket. Reese started the car, rolled down the window and turned to Crews. “You’re whacked, you know that?”

Crews nodded, still and peaceful. “So you’ve said a hundred times.”

-/-

The worst thing about Jack Reese was as much as he was a bastard; as much as he was a controlling asshole the worse were the times when he wasn’t.

“A picnic?”

“In Santa Monica.” Leyla said with a nod.

“When was this decided?”

“Monday.”

“I wasn’t here Monday.”

Her mother raised her eyebrows, “And whose fault was that?”

Her father appeared, “Are we ready?”

“Apparently our little one was not informed of this excursion,” her mother said with an amused nod in her direction.

Dani opened her mouth to tell her to stop calling her 'little' but said instead, “I have plans you know, things to do.”

“Yes? With Rick and Sheila?” Her mother continued and she had that look, the not quite stern expression she manages to mix with sympathy that always, always made Dani feel guilty. “Going to the mall? Or the track for practice?”

“Fine.” Dani sighed. “I’ll call Sheila.”

Dani turned to leave and her mother let out a low laugh. She paused and glanced behind her. Jack had his arm around Leyla’s waist, whispering something to her, something that made her laugh. Dani watched Jack take one of her mother’s hands and pressed a kiss on one her hand. Dani shifted her eyes away and caught her reflection in the hall mirror—her face unreadable even to herself.

Halfway to Santa Monica, the car broke down. It was one of those things that happened either by accident or neglect but neither option was an excuse Jack accepted, the car stuttered and sputtered until it died. Dani leaned away slowly and watched her father, bracing herself from her father’s inevitable outburst. She could see her mother’s shoulders tense.

Jack turned in his seat, she could see herself reflected in his aviators. He was smiling. “Looks like we’re in trouble now.”

“I guess so.” Dani said, wary.

They got out of the car and he popped the hood, a cloud of steam hissed out. He took off his jacket and waved it around the smoke. He went on a running dialogue about the car and told Dani to listen, pointing out things she should and shouldn’t be doing.

Her mother sat nearby and watched them work. “Perhaps we should call for help?”

“No, I think, Dani and I can handle it.” Jack elbowed Dani’s shoulders. “Right, Dani?”

Dani looked down at her tank top, the one she bought the other day, now stained with grease. “Whatever you say, dad.”

Dani had her arms deep in the cars guts when a patrol car came by, Jack straightened from where he was supervising and wiped his hands on the oilcloth and winked at Dani. “Watch your old man handle this.”

Dani watched him approach the patrol officer, held out his hand they shook hands then he stuck his hand into his jacket and offered the patrolman his badge. In less than five minutes in, he turned and waved at her and her mother. “Officer Hendricks is offering us a ride.”

Her mother laughed, put an arm around Dani’s shoulders as they approached the patrolman. Dani self-consciously tried to rub the grease from her hands.

“Hendricks,” her father said, “my wife, Leyla, and this,” Jack put a friendly hand on her head like she was six and not sixteen and ruffled, “is my daughter, Dani.”

“Hi,” Hendricks greeted and Dani returned with a smile that was a little strained. "See you were trying to help your dad get your car going. Most girls wouldn't even want to approach a mile of anything greasy."

Hendricks laughed at his joke.

"Are we going anytime soon, Hendricks?" Her father said.

The patrolman straightened noticeably at the tone of his voice. "Yeah, this way, sir. I'll have the rig over to pick-up your car."

Jack gave a swift pat on his back. "Good."

All through the ride her father regaled the officer with his war stories. She watched as the patrol officer, who had nothing to look forward to but the endless monotony of the road and traffic violations, fall in love with the life her father painted.

Dani didn’t want to be a cop, but the way her father told the story made her understand why other people would. She asked Karen about it once and Karen simply answered, because she’d like to see criminals behind bars. Dani sat back and watched the sun glint off the waters and listened.

They made it to the beach just as the sun was setting and there, leaning over the railing, watching the sun go down with her parents beside her she could pretend they were always like this.

This was the reason why her mother stayed and Dani craved his approval because, on occasion, Jack Reese could be kind and charming. The man her mother married and the father Dani always wanted him to be. He made them expect it would always be like this and never what he usually was.

Dani hated it. It was at this moment Dani decided this was her father at his most cruel.

-/-

Jackson and Sullivan didn’t work corners they took advantage of their ability to blend in and enter clubs, selling to people who wanted to party but like any business enterprise. They got greedy and wanted more and expanded to other areas, specifically, the more disreputable side of LA.

According to Jackson's notes they wanted to start small, with two or three kids slinging for them. They had big dreams. They'd sit in luxury while the kids worked the corners, haunting Echo Park and slinging their product with the others. This was the move that could have gotten them killed.

“Amateurs.” Reese said, disgusted after scanning through Sullivan’s notes. She felt oddly affronted at Jackson and Sullivan’s little operation. “They really thought they were living the mafia dream. Kept referencing the Godfather and the Sopranos I think I even saw a heart drawn around Quentin Tarantino’s name.”

“Who was the Godfather and who was the _consigliere_?” Crews asked.

“Looked like Jackson called the shots.” Reese rubbed her eyes, studied the crime board. “I don’t know how they manage to get as far as they got with the way they ran their operation.”

“Just when I thought I was out,” Crews said in a raspy voice, “they pull me back in!”

Reese glanced at Crews. “Guess that means you saw the Godfather again.”

“I liked the third movie.”

“Really?” Reese wrinkled her nose, “I think it sucked.”

“It wasn’t as good as the first two but I still liked it,” Crews stood up and massaged his neck, “We have to drop by Echo Park.”

“Yeah,” Reese said, “I know.”

They deliberately saved Echo Park for last. Echo Park wasn’t exactly off the beaten path but from the way she and Crews have been ferrying across LA, it might as well be.

“Boy,” Crews said looking at the establishments, “this place has changed.”

Reese glanced at Crews, took in his wide-eyed stare at a couple of hipsters walking their dogs.

“I remember chasing after a perp here, got a bruise this big,” he put his palms together then pulled them away indicating the size of the bruise.

“Hit a wall?”

“Garbage can, wind knocked out of my sails. Bobby laughed about it for a week. Hey, maybe we can get coffee there later.”

Reese glanced at the coffeehouse Crews pointed out. Hipsters in all their ‘cooler than you’ glory littered the front step. “No, thanks.”

“I was here a few weeks ago.” He said, “Early morning sun and there was even an ice cream vendor and two old men arguing. I don’t know why I didn’t notice these before.”

When she looked at him again he was looking at her but Reese wasn’t sure if Crews was seeing her. There was a speculative look in his eye and then his eyes slid away from her. “Jen and I used to go here when we were feeling adventurous, we used to rent pedal boats.”

Reese eased her car on the side street, turned off the ignition but her hands stayed on the wheel.

“Ready?”

“Ready.” She said and for good measure, repeated, “Ready.”

Crews opened his door and Reese followed. The lake glistened even from this distance. Echo Park had changed but not all that much amidst the new restaurants and coffee houses there were still places people don’t venture to.

Some of the dealers working the park (kids, teenagers) vanished as they spotted Reese and Crews walk the path. Down the street Reese could hear shouts of, “Five-oh! Five-oh!”

They canvassed the doors and the homeless on park benches. It would have been faster if they split up, save time but Reese didn’t suggest splitting up and neither did Crews. A group of Latino kids hung around a car, watching them, music keyed up high. They could just be kids hanging out or part of an avenue gang in this area.

“How’s your Spanish?”

Crews adjusted his sunglasses, “Good enough.”

“Okay.” Reese ran her tongue over her teeth. There were some broken capsules crunching under her boots. “Witnessed a lot of dealings in Pelican Bay?”

“You’d be blind not to but after the law cracked down on AB they became—“

“A lot more discreet?”

Crews hummed his answer.

“We ain’t gonna talk to no cops,” announced the kid in the bandanna, he had a neck tattoo. Reese couldn’t make out if there was a number five hidden in the tattoo.

“We’re not interested in talking about the drugs,” Reese said, flexed her fingers and watched.

“No shit,” the kid in the black wife beater snickered, “you lookin’ for those two white boys.”

“You recognize them?” Crews asked.

“They been around.”

“They dead right?” Another kid said, he was tall and Reese was reminded how far from tall she was. She frowned.

“How’d you know that?”

One of the kids scoffed. “Cops flashing pictures about two white boys here? ‘Course they dead.”

“Anyone in particular want them dead?” She asked.

“They in our place, ‘course we want ‘em dead.”

Crews looked at her as a round of jokes went around, none of the kids were interested in helping. It was a bust, something Reese suspected from the start. Crews ended the interview with an advice about sunblock. This prompted one of the kids to shout, “You loco, man!”

One of the junkies sitting on the sidewalk stood and stumbled forward, waved a shaky hand at her. “Hey, don’t I know you?”

Reese faced him, he was scrawny and looked like he was a hit away from an overdose. “I don’t know, do I?”

He frowned, confused, muddled. “I don’t know, I—“

“Would you know these men?” Crews pushed the picture forward. Reese slipped on her sunglasses.

“Can’t say I do.” He shot another confused glance at Reese. Reese kept her face neutral, looked down at the street. There were broken capsules beside her feet and some residue of—

“Thank you for your time.” Reese heard Crews say. She looked up, saw the junkie muddle away. She pulled her keys from her jacket.

“We missed our midday meal.” Crews said as he settled in his seat.

Reese started the car and pulled off the sidewalk.

“I think ice cream would help.” He went on, “Mango and strawberry and maybe a little chocolate. What do you think, Reese?”

Reese waited for the lights to change color an SUV was trying to over take her. She slowed down. It took off, engines roaring. “I think ice cream’s fine.”


	4. Chapter 4

4.

"Think it through," Karen advised.

"Oh, yeah, that's it," Dani said, sarcastic, "why didn't I think of that?"

"Hey, you asked." Karen frowned, "Come here a minute."

Dani dropped her pen and set aside her homework and moved closer, "I can't believe you're really getting married."

"What's so hard to believe?" Karen slapped the envelopes on the table a little harder than necessary. "I'm getting married, Ben and I have been seeing each other for years, what's so hard to believe about that?"

Dani shrugged, tugged at an envelope. "I dunno, I just thought, career cop--"

"And concluded, single for life?"

"Don't you have other friends other than me and mom?"

"'Mom and I'," Dani rolled her eyes. "I do but they're all busy, what about you?" Karen held on to a ribbon, "hold this."

Dani placed her hand over the ribbon. "What about me, what?"

"Thought about what you're gonna be?"

Dani focused on the ribbons. It didn’t look quite right, it kept flopping to the left.

"College isn't that far off," Karen continued.

"Haven't really thought about it." It was a lie. It was all she could think of. Her thoughts circling back to one thing.

"You can take-up a pre-law course."

"And jump into the Academy immediately after." She finished drily. "You're not even trying."

"I just think it's a waste that you’re not going to try law enforcement."

"Because you think I'm--" Dani made air quotes with her free hand, "'natural police'."

"It's in your blood."

" I don't think you know what 'natural police' really means. How is it exactly in my blood?”

"You like puzzles? Hate bullies?"

"Most cops I know _are _bullies and you're seriously not comparing puzzles to solving crime."

"I am," Karen raised a hand when Dani opened her mouth, "I know it sounds callous and like we, _I _don't care that isn't how it is. I want to see those dirt bags behind bars but piecing together how the crime was committed? You're not gonna get a better challenge than that." She tugged on the ribbon. Dani didn't say anything. "Okay, I think that does it."

Dani stepped back. She didn’t imagine it the ribbons did flop to the left. "Y'know, it's actually comforting you’re not good at this."

"Oh, ha-ha." Karen undid the ribbon, "I'm a cop not Martha Stewart, did I ever tell you about the time we thought we--"

"--caught Martha Stewart." Dani finished, smirked, "No, I don't think you did. How'd it go again?"

Karen glared at her good-naturedly. "It's a riveting story."

Cops and stories. They went together more than donuts. Dani pushed aside the other papers and sat on the desk. "Are you taking the sergeant’s exam after the honeymoon?"

"Yep."

"And you're getting married in your dress blues?"

"Ye--” She caught herself, “funny, Dani, you’re a real comedian.”

“Hey, how about that? I could just be a stand-up comic!”

Karen’s face was a picture, “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Why not, we are in Los Angeles—“

“Finish that sentence and I swear, I won’t be liable to whatever happens to you.”

“If you ask me, Detective, you have a lot of prejudice against actors.” Karen gave her a look part frustration, part ‘I’ll-flay-you-to-death’ Dani made a note to try on that expression someday.

“Dani, shut-up and just help me with this damned thing.”

She leapt off the table and saluted, “Yes, ma’am.”

-/-

"When you look at the crime scene what do you see?"

Reese stopped tapping her pen and looked at Crews. They exhausted the client list and were back in the station. It's been almost twenty-two hours and evidence was degrading as they sit but they had to work on a report for Davis.

Not that Reese begrudged it, Davis occasionally brought in a new perspective to a case. But it didn't change the fact that their 48-hour window was closing.

Crews held-up the crime scene photo, the bodies splayed on the floor. It was a mess and both boys had on a shocked expression.

"Messy," she took the picture, "and, whoever did this, they were angry."

Crews made a satisfied sound, "I think so too."

Reese studied the picture, away from the reality of the drugs Reese found how much she could see, the details she missed.

"Y'know I've done drugs before too."

Reese stared at him. Felt a prickling on the back of her neck. That he should talk about this, in the middle of the goddamned station.

"Reese?" He called, "did you hear me, I said--"

"I heard you," she said then closed her mouth, lips pressed together.

"In college," he continued, unconcerned and free and it made her mad because if he was trying to compare that with--

"Pot," she cut her own internal monologue.

"That's the one!"

"It made you paranoid," she continued in a monotone. "I remember."

"Yeah," he was jocular, confiding, remembering his good times. The few he had before he went away but Reese found she couldn't take it.

"Are we doing this?"

He broke off. "What?"

"Are we doing this?" She gestured around the office, "Here? Bonding about... Are we doing this?"

He paused, studied her. She kept her expression neutral even if she was boiling inside. “No.” He was quiet, head tilted slightly to the side. “But college students usually do these things for fun, experimentation. We do stupid things when we were young.”

“What’s your point?”

“These kids were college dropouts and I don’t think that this,” he pinched the client list off her desk, “is a complete list.”

“We should visit their school.” She added it to her report Davis would want to know this.

“Reese.” She tipped her head up, already lost in thought, a step ahead. “I didn’t mean to—“

She stared at him, over his shoulder she saw Davis walk by, motioning for them to join her. Crews shifted, he looked uncomfortable and Reese realized she didn’t answer him. She hit the print function. “Let’s just get through the day.”

-/-

She couldn’t pinpoint the time, the date when her opinion about cops changed. It wasn’t a big moment of epiphany. It crept up on her and when the thought came, it was both surprising and unsurprising. Dani had been surrounded by uniforms all her life, knew a thing or two about police procedures without even trying and despite herself acquired the same language and prejudices had.

Despite Karen’s insistence, Dani didn’t feel like natural police. She didn’t want to be. Dani had tried her best to be as different from her father as possible. Turning into a cop would be following in his footsteps and worse she would be living under his shadow.

Jack assumed she was going to take up law and typically, went so far as hand pick schools he thought would be good for her. She attempted to talk him out of it but she might as well have talked to a stonewall.

Her mother, while also caught with the preparations, was more aware of Dani’s reluctance. Leyla began her talk about the bright future Dani will have as a lawyer. Dani listened, smiled and nodded.

Leyla stopped and shook her head. "You have no intention of going to law school.”

Dani shifted in her chair, “I don’t.”

“You and your father." She sounded resigned.

“Ma,” she said with something like reproach. “I’m not like dad.”

Leyla only shook her head and muttered something about children.

On a Tuesday morning, Dani applied to the Academy without either of her parents knowing. It wasn’t a spur of the moment thing and despite what happened earlier, it wasn’t because of Jack. It was because she had to, for herself.

Dani had a picture in her head she couldn't shake. How things could be: a uniform, a badge, a rank.

If she didn’t try because she was afraid of turning into her father, she might as well let him win.

The acceptance letter came in the mail and Dani checked the post office box, she turned the letter over and over before she slit the envelope open. The rush of relief and joy confirmed she made the right decision.

For a few moments, holding the letter, Dani considered using her mother's maiden name. Dani was all too aware that her father’s reputation would hound her. Eventually Dani thought better of the idea because like it or not, it was going to be harder to survive as a woman with a Persian name in the Academy. Besides ‘Reese’ was a common name and she still had to worry about how her father would take the news.

A week before graduation, she returned home ready to tell her parents. Her mother was happy and started cooking up a storm, even her father looked pleased. “Your grades are good enough to get into Yale Law School.”

Yale. “You’re sending me East Coast.”

“All the best law schools are in the East.”

Dani cut her meat and refrained from saying something definite and decided to tell let it pass. After lunch Jack moved to the backyard.

“Need any help with the dishes?” Dani asked her mother, after clearing the table.

Leyla shook her head and smiled. “No need.”

“Are you sure?”

“Keep on asking, Dani,” her mother said with raised eyebrows, “and I will take you up on that offer.”

Dani laughed and backed out of the kitchen. She looked out, took a deep breath and walked out to the backyard, her father acknowledged her with a glance. Dani spotted a cooler near the picnic table, reached in and grabbed a beer and opened it. Jack grunted his thanks, Dani cracked open a can for herself.

Jack frowned at her but didn’t say anything. She was in college; she had every right to drink whatever she wanted. Jack placed his beer on the table and returned to work on his barbecue grill. Tomorrow was Saturday that meant barbecue with the boys. Dani wiped her palms against her jeans, felt the acceptance letter in her pocket. She pushed the cooler from the picnic table and sat. “I have to tell you something.”

He set down the barbecue grill before looking at her. He stretched up, grabbed his can and looked at her. Dani endured the stare a moment longer then turned her gaze away, sloshing the beer from side to side.

Finally, just as Dani thought he’d keep up the staring contest for another second, he said: “You’re pregnant.”

“_What?_” She shot off the table, stood on the bench, spluttering. “What?! I’m not! What the hell--?”

“You’re not pregnant.” He didn’t look any different but he sounded relieved.

“Why would you even,” she sat down on the table, hard, “Of all the—_Jesus_\--”

“What the hell else do you expect me to think?” He demanded, turning the question around. “With the boys you go out with—“

“I haven’t even gone out for months! And I’m not stupid I use… I don’t…” God, of all the conversations she expected happening it wasn’t this. That her dad even thought about—“I came here because I wanted to tell you I’m joining the Academy.”

There was a beat. Inside the house, Dani could hear her mother singing as she washed the dishes, finally, “The hell you are.”

“Here.” She tossed the letter at him. He caught it and read the letter when he looked at her again his face was red.

“I thought we discussed this already.” Her father growled, he didn't shout not when he can intimidate everyone just by looking, just by being the guy he was.

“You discussed it. I never said I’d go to law school,” she shot back, equally angry.

It was the wrong thing to say but Dani was done walking on eggshells around him. This was her life, dammit, and she was going to live it the way she wanted to live it. She said as much as he continued to bark orders at her, Dani didn’t realize she had been standing, going toe to toe against her father until Jack pushed her back to the bench and she was, once again, staring up at him.

"Jack," her mother’s voice was low and it cut into the fight like knife through butter. Her father dominated their frequent battle of wills but when her mom spoke, in that voice, even her father listened. “Let her do what she wants.”

Dani watched as a storm cloud of emotions passed through her father’s face until he finally said, “Don’t expect any help from me.”

“I never do.”

-/-

“And you exhausted the client list?”

“Yeah,” Reese nodded, “but these guys aren’t exactly professionals, the Darvashi kid can run circles around these guys.”

“We’re going to their school and see if any of their classmates bought drugs from them.” Crews added.

Davis raised an eyebrow, “That’s easier said than done.”

“We’re investigating a homicide,” Crews answered, “we’ll be clear on that point.”

Davis looked skeptical and Reese understood why, making people talk about their drug habit in front of cops was going to be difficult. No one wanted to admit to an addiction.

Reese crossed her arms. "We'll be very clear we're not interested about the drugs."

“Alright," Davis continued to look skeptical but seemed to take her word for it, which was amazing, considering the topic under discussion. "What else do you have?”

“The way the murder was executed, makes us think that this was personal.” Reese indicated the crime scene photos, “And possibly, amateur work.”

“Don’t discount the gang angle just yet,” Davis warned.

“We’re not going to,” Reese assured her, “but we will be widening the field.”

“Alright,” Davis nodded and placed their file on her desk and stood, “go to it then, Detectives.”


	5. Chapter 5

5.

The Academy was everything and nothing Dani expected and for the first few months no one had made the connection between her and the legendary Captain Jack Reese. The fact she never advertised it and her father never even once stepped foot in the Academy helped.

She was one of the smaller cadets in her batch and that often meant that the upperclassmen thought they could push her around. It didn’t take long to dissuade them of this notion. Bullies with egos were nothing compared to living with Jack Reese for the first twenty years of your life.

Dani always considered herself athletic but the first two weeks made her reconsider. Calisthenics, obstacles, everything designed to train and evaluate. Dani pushed herself harder than the others. If she could run an extra meter, jump a little higher and scale the goddamned wall a little faster Dani would and did.

She wanted to prove, if and when, time came people put two and two together, whose daughter she was there wouldn't be a doubt in their minds she belonged.

The Academy wasn't that different from college, it was filled with a hell of a lot more testosterone but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. The general rule seemed to be: work hard, party hard.

They were joining the Brotherhood of the Blue and like in any elite paramilitary institutions there were rituals in joining the Blue. Dani knew all the stories, heard her father talk about it and Karen mention it in one oblique statement. Dani thought she prepared herself mentally for it. The tasks ranged from the mundane to the ridiculous and culminated in the welcoming party where they were pretty much expected to drink themselves stupid.

It was the first time she'd ever been drunker than a skunk. Dani barely remembered the party. She did remember, before passing out, that she was drawn into a drinking contest with two of the Academy’s hotshot upperclassmen, McNab and Rodriguez.

She wasn’t a heavy drinker but she knew how to drink; high school, college and being a cop’s kid had some advantages. Her father's friends had a lot of heavy drinkers and they seem to take it upon themselves, when her father wasn't around, to teach Dani all she needed to know about holding her drink. Dani bet McNab and Rodriguez didn’t expect that of all the cadets they passed the shot glasses too it'd be the girl who barely stood past their shoulders who would still be relatively upright.

“Y’know,” she told McNab, he had a buzz cut that made his head look like a square peg. “I could go on all night. Bet you can’t.”

Rodriguez thumped his shot glass on the table. “Shut-up and drink!”

Dani didn’t take her eyes off Rodriguez, grabbed another shot glass filled with whiskey and with a salute downed it one gulp. It burned her throat and Dani was certain she would smell like she went swimming in a barrel of whiskey the next morning. She grimaced and it took her a moment to re-orient herself.

When she opened her eyes McNab’s friends jeered at her. Dani turned the glass over and took another glass and with another salute downed the other glass of whiskey. She turned over that glass and pushed it to join its fallen brothers.

“McNab, get on it!” One of his friends yelled, “You goin’ to let yourself beat by a girl?”

But McNab looked senseless and his movements were sluggish, still he reached for a glass. Dani waited, feeling the amount of alcohol inside her, under the table she clutched at one of the wooden legs. He stared at it and Dani watched, breath held as he slowly placed it on his lips. The glass was barely on his lips when he made a choking noise and puked right on his buddy’s shoes.

“Fuck!” The other guy shouted. The busy bodies egging them on roared with laughter.

Rodriguez’s head sank and he looked like he was three sheets to the wind. Dani didn’t want to think what she looked like.

“You gonna drink?”

“Fuck you.” He slurred, took a glass.

“Not in this lifetime.”

He tipped the glass to his lips and drank it in one swallow. Dani’s heart sank, knew she couldn’t take another glass and held it all together through sheer will and piss assed stubbornness.

He leaned forward to tip the glass over with his smug grin and he never quite came up. It took Dani half a minute to realize Rodriguez had passed out.

One of her fellow rookie cadet (James? Jason? Jack?) pulled her up from her seat and raised her arm. “Let’s give it up to the Small Wonder!”

The feeling of euphoria she felt quickly passed into annoyance and without thinking about it, kicked him on the shin. James, Jason. No, Jason she remembered now, let out a surprised grunt and let go of her arm. There was another round of laughter and clapping. She downed the last glass of whiskey, toasted the crowd and weaved out of the room.

Only to wake-up on a bench not far from where she bunked and found Karen looking down at her. "Let me guess, initiation week?"

Dani's mouth was dry and she felt like an elephant was dancing the Macarena on her head. "Ugh."

"If that's your articulate way of asking how I knew you were here, I would answer that it's because I'm a qualified detective."

Her head felt like it was going to explode. "You're a load of crap."

"Is that anyway to thank your savior?"

Dani glared in response, she carefully tried to sit-up. In the corner of her eye she could see another cadet, he was doubled over a trash can.

"It's uncanny how much you look like Jack."

"Don't say that," she said softly.

Karen sighed, sat beside her. "You should have told me you were planning to enter the Academy, I’d have backed you up.”

“It was my fight.” She looked at Karen there was a tension to the shoulders Dani recognized. “You had an argument with my father.”

“Yeah, well, your old man can be a jerk sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?”

Karen laughed, “Alright, 90 of the time your old man’s a jerk.”

Dani nodded and immediately regretted it. She clutched her head and grimaced. “I’m never drinking again.”

Karen chuckled, “Don’t worry, hazing week’s about to end.”

This did nothing to reassure Dani, her head hurt and she felt like she’d be spending some quality time with the porcelain god. “Where’s your car?”

“Uh-uh, no.”

Dani opened her eyes but she couldn’t figure out which of the Karens was the real one and shut her eyes again. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“If you’re going to puke, do it here. No puking in the car.”

“I thought you were here to save me?”

“I’m keeping you company in your inebriated state, also, if you didn’t notice, you were passed out in a bench.”

“That’s why I’ll be riding in your car, so I can pass out in my bed.”

“I don’t let Ben eat in the car, what makes you think I’ll let you in looking like you’re about to hurl the Pacific?”

Dani groaned.

“What have we learned about drinking?”

“Bite me.”

-/-

“You guys didn’t need to come here,” the USC Campus security officer said, “could just have emailed you what you need about those boys.”

“We’re also following up some leads,” Reese answered. The officer, Ross the tag on his uniform read, hooked a thumb on his belt. Campus security always had to out police the police. It wasn’t always true that campus security unis were guys who tried and failed to enter LAPD but the way Ross was acting swaggering more than necessary, adjusting his aviators Reese was beginning to get the impression he was one of those guys.

“What leads would they be?”

“A hunch.” Crews said and Ross nodded sagely.

“What do you need?”

“Anyone with a particular beef with Jackson and Sullivan?”

“Just the number you’d expect with a couple of kids like them,” Ross said, “Student activists, parents, faculty.” He turned his head, “Mike, get me the list you’re working on.” Another officer, younger than Ross appeared and handed a piece of paper to Ross. “Yeah, I was right, the usual suspects…”

Ross passed the paper to Reese. “What makes Professor Harris so special?”

“Special?” He looked at where Reese was pointing.

“She has an asterisk after her name.” Crews pointed out.

“Oh, that.” He looked rueful, “Professor Harris was one of the more vocal faculty members. Her nephew died a couple of months back, blamed Jackson for selling it to Luke.”

Crews looked at Reese. Reese returned the look. “One last thing, anybody in this list we can talk to now.”

“Might want to check out that fraternity.” Ross pointed to another name on the list and crossed his arms, “Most of the boys bought from Sullivan.”

“Alright, I think we have enough.” Reese nodded, “thanks.”

-/-

"Are things going well in the Academy?" Leyla asked. Leyla spoke English well with only the slightest hint of an accent but hearing her mother speak in Farsi was always different. Better.

"It's great," she answered, the language rolling off her tongue. Dani closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of home: her mother’s cookies baking in the oven, the soothing scent of tea and some other herbal spices she couldn’t identify. She opened her eyes again and looked up to see her mother looking at her thoughtfully.

Her mother settled the tea on the table, reached for her hand. "Dani."

Dani waited and couldn't help wonder about her, this woman who was so strong but yielded to her father.

"Dani," she repeated, "is this really what you want?"

"Yes." Dani answered, firm. It was exhausting and mentally draining and the months before graduation seemed so far away and yet despite everything Dani loved it. "I want to be a cop."

Her mother continued to look at her, as if trying to puzzle out why Dani would join a profession that took her father away from her. "I suppose I shouldn't begrudge you wanting to be like your father."

Dani sipped her tea and wanted to ask if her mother really believed that. The timer pinged. She pulled her hand away and stood-up. "I’ll get the cookies.”

-/-

It went as predicted. Almost everyone they interviewed were nervous and anxious and even if it was obvious they were using they denied it. It was annoying.

“We’re Homicide detectives,” Reese repeated for what felt like a hundredth time, “we’re not going to charge you for using. We just want to know if you knew these two.”

“I’ve seen them,” the kid, Tim Ronald said. He had his arms crossed and had on a stupid smug expression that made Reese want to throttle him with her gun.

“Recently?” Crews asked.

Ronald shrugged. “Maybe, I dunno. I don’t keep track.”

“Too important to do that kind of thing, right?” It wasn’t a question his Big Man on Campus vibe pissed her off.

He smiled, ignoring the bite of her words and winked at her. “Got that right, babe.” Then he shot Crews a knowing smirk.

Reese glanced at Crews to see his reaction but he continued to look pleasant faced.

"Well, Tim, let me tell you how this is gonna play out: My partner and I are gonna come back with warrants and your fun little clubhouse will be crawling with cops and when we find your stash-- and trust me I will find it-- I doubt it's going to look good on your record if you were arrested for drug possession with intent to sell."

"She's not kidding." Crews added solemnly.

Ronald turned into an interesting shade, from red to green then white. "But you said--"

"We asked nicely, you didn't play." Reese’s stare was direct. "How's it gonna play now?"

Ronald opened and closed his mouth but didn't say anything without a word she and Crews turned to leave, Reese pulled out her phone and started dialing.

"Wait!"

They paused, looked at him. Reese had the phone pressed on her ear.

"I'll talk!"

"Start talking."

"Look, I've never used--"

"This is Detective Reese," she told the phone.

"You really shouldn't waste our time." Crews advised.

"No, no! Wait!" Ronald shouted, "I'm telling the truth but I knew JJ and Sully were dealing they used to sell here until--"

"Until?" Reese prompted.

"From what I heard, the stuff they sold wasn't quality and some kids got sick. After that happened, they stopped showing up."

"Bad product never stopped dealers from dealing."

"They had no choice some parents got wind and reported them to campus security." He looked at Reese pleadingly. "Please, I swear that's all I know."

"_Ma'am_," the voice in her phone said, Reese held his stare, then closed her phone just as the voice said: "_can I take your order?_"

"Next time cops come here for some questions, be more cooperative." She waved her phone at him warningly then walked away.

Crews followed a few steps behind her. "You have pizza delivery on speed dial?"

"Why?” Reese smirked, “Don't you?"

-/-

They came to her on a Thursday afternoon, just as she and her classmates were idling after a long day of practice marching. Graduation was around the corner and Dani was feeling more or less at peace with the world and since taking the picture in her dress blues Dani couldn’t stop smiling.

“You’re doing it again,” Jason remarked, he was slouched on the couch. He had that way about him that made everything he did look effortless.

“What?”

“Smiling.”

“Smiling a crime now?”

“No, but coming from you?” Jason tipped his head back, “Down right strange.”

Dani rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like I don’t smile.”

“You’re Cadet Serious, Reese, it is that strange.” His head lolled to the side, “Back me up, White.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jase,” Lisa answered. She was rooting through her bag socks, white shirt, the fake badge Dani, Tom and Jason made for her birthday and, for some reason, an ice cream scooper littered the table.

“See?” Dani said, “It’s all in your imagination, Tripp.”

The human blob of tiredness that was Tom raised his head, “Are you two fighting again?”

“No.” She answered. “Jason thinks that me smiling is weird.”

“It is,” Tom replied. “You know, why don’t you two just stop dancing around it and kiss already.”

Dani threw a pillow at Tom’s head. “That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it?”

The pillow hit its mark he made no effort to remove it but waved peace signs. “Make love not war.”

“You are such a hippie, are you sure you want to be a cop?”

“Hey,” Lisa pulled the pillow from Tom’s face, “he might be a hippie cop but he’s my hippie cop.”

A dopey grin appeared on Tom’s face as Lisa leaned in to kiss him. Dani resisted the urge to roll her eyes, across from her Jason formed an imaginary gun, cocked his thumb and pantomimed shooting himself in the head.

Dani snickered.

“Reese,” Tom said, taking his eyes off Lisa, “you are such a cynic.”

“Born and bred,” she said.

“You know what they say, Dani,” Lisa set aside one sock with the small Mickey Mouse tag. “Inside the most cynical person is the world’s sappiest kid.”

“Who said that, Tinkerbell?”

"Cadet Reese."

Dani’s response was automatic she bounced to her feet and almost knocked down her chair and herself in the process. "Sir!"

It was Sgt. Taylor, she was aware her other classmates were already standing at attention. “Come with me.”

"Yes, sir."

Sgt. Taylor nodded and stepped out. Dani glanced at Lisa and Jason, who shrugged in return. Dani buttoned-up her uniform and followed the sergeant.

Taylor waited for her in the hall then proceeded to march away, he kept his stride long forcing Dani to walk faster to keep up. She never had a class with Taylor, he taught Spanish or some other language and he was in the Academy only every other day. He paused in front of the door Dani took the hint and entered the office.

A man, about her father’s age but with more pepper than salt leaned against the window. There were some drills going on below, Dani tried to remember which class was slated for practice when he faced her.

“Cadet Reese.” He looked nothing like her father, brown skin and blue eyes and a posture that seemed more at home leaning against a pool table than a squad car.

“Sir.” She returned, posture flowing to attention.

“I have an offer and I hope you don’t refuse.”

-/-

“Professor Harris?”

The cafe was almost empty and the two women occupying one of the tables looked up. Professor Harris looked exactly like the photo Ross showed them. Poised, long curly brown hair tied in a ponytail behind her head. She reminded Reese of one of her professors in college. The other woman beside the professor bore a striking resemblance to her but with much lighter hair and a wan and tired expression making her look older than, Reese suspected, what she really was.

"Yes?" The professor asked, cautious.

"I'm Detective Crews," Crews began and waved in her direction as Reese pulled out her badge, "this is Detective Reese, we'd like to ask you a few questions."

Professor Harris frowned. "About what?"

"Two boys were murdered yesterday, John Jackson and Alex Sullivan--"

"Good."

"Cindy!" The woman, her sister Reese assumed, exclaimed.

"I'm not ashamed, it's true," Professor Harris said and faced Crews. "I'm glad they're dead."

Reese checked the impulse to glance at her partner. "We understand your nephew died of an overdose?"

"Killed you mean," Professor Harris sneered, accusation in her voice. "And you people did nothing. Now you have the nerve to come here and ask for our help in catching the people who killed those monsters!"

Her sister reached for her arm, “Cindy, no…”

“No, let me speak, Mary.” She said, loudly, waving her arm away. “John and Alex were known drug dealers and you just… you just allowed them to continue on! You people are as responsible for killing Luke as those boys did!” She waved to her sister, “Why didn't you do anything when her son died?!”

“Cindy!” Her sister called again, “Don’t, please—“

“—Do you know what she’s been through because of you people? And you just expect—“

Reese bit on the insides of her mouth, mute against the onslaught of grief and anger. What could they possibly say anything in the face of that?

“Cindy, don’t,” Mary repeated again, “Please, they were children too. Just like Luke.” Her voice caught, quavering as she said her son’s name.

“Oh, honey,” Cindy reached for her sister the anger replaced with grief and guilt. “I’m sorry…”

Crews crouched down next to Mary and offered her a handkerchief, "We are sorry," he said, quietly, speaking to Cindy but his focus was on Mary "and there’s nothing we could say to alleviate your anger or grief but like your sister said, they were somebody else's children too."

Mary looked at Crews and it was the look John Gibney's mother had that day Crews returned to talk to her and her eyes brimmed with tears even as Professor Harris' mouth thinned to a line.

Reese decided this was enough hysterics for one day and moved forward, “Ma’am, why did you think Mr. Sullivan and Jackson were responsible for your nephew’s death?”

“They sold him the drugs,” the Professor spat the word at them, “if they hadn’t sold him those drugs he would still be alive today!”

That wouldn’t have mattered, Reese wanted to say, he’d still find another dealer, another place to buy the dope but she didn’t. Instead she said, “You seem to harbor a lot of anger towards Mr. Jackson and Sullivan.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Professor Harris said, “If somebody had spoken up my nephew would still be alive and my sister—“ she broke off, “but if you’re implying that I killed those kids then you’re wrong. I didn’t kill them but I wish I did.”

-/-

They came back to the station and found Stark leaning against her table with a smirk on his face. Juarez stood next to him, one hand on his gun belt.

“Bobby?”

“Heya, Charlie,” all affable, boys-will-be boys club style. “How ya doin’?”

“You got something?” Reese shrugged out of her jacket and deposited it on her chair, not caring that Juarez had to back a step or two for her to do it.

“Yeah, detective,” Stark said, “we got something, don’t we Juarez?”

“Matter a fact,” Juarez concurred.

Crews dropped the peach he bought on the way and looked at Juarez, “Rounded up the Cinco gang members?”

If that was the case, Juarez and Stark saved her a trip to Gang Intelligence.

“Just the people who matter.”

She was tired, she was antsy and she really hated it when people gave information piecemeal. “And what did they say?”

Stark pushed off from her table, slapped his hands together. “Dunno, that’s your job, isn’t it, detective?”

Reese leaned to the left and saw Interrogation 1 was clear but Interrogation 2 was closed. “Hey, Crews, you up for some questions?”

“Asking questions,” he said in a slow, calm voice, “is the only way to clarity.”

-/-

She wasn’t going to take the offer. It was too risky and she worked too hard to get where she was, even if it was only to pretend she wasn’t a cop.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Dani blinked and shook her head and smiled. “It’s nothing, ma.”

“You’ve been very preoccupied since you invited me out for coffee.” Her mother chided.

“Sorry, it’s just…” Dani trailed off, shook her head again, “it’s nothing.”

“I bet I know what it is.” Leyla said, knowingly.

“Really?”

“Yes, it’s your graduation, in a month’s time I will not only have one person who’s safety I’ll worry about, I’ll have two.” She smiled at her, “My little Dani, a sworn officer of the law.”

Dani scowled then sighed, ”You’re never gonna stop calling me that, right?”

Leyla laughed. “You’re always too easy to wind up.”

“If you didn’t mention it all the time, I wouldn’t react a lot.”

“No, you are just easy to irritate. You get that from your father.”

Dani’s mouth tightened a little then let it go. She concentrated on her coffee, putting a little more sugar in then she looked up at her mother. “How do you do it?”

Her mother’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, “Do what, Dani?”

“Dad.” Her mother continued to look at her but her eyes were guarded, wary. “Bein’ a cop, always out, that couldn’t be easy.”

It wasn’t what Dani wanted to ask.

“And now you,” her mother said. “It is never easy. Sometimes I would like to keep you and your father locked in our home, keep you safe but I can’t. You have to live your own lives.” Leyla turned a direct look at Dani, “As long as it is the right thing to do.”

Dani moved her head slightly to the side, unconsciously copying her mother’s frown. “Of course.”

They spent the day together, shopping and attending one of those talks, the one her mother always loved to drag her to.

"I'm never going to need," Dani read the title of the lecture, "'Imagery in Ovid's- what-the-hell-ever-this-is' in real life, y'know."

"Dani, you'll never know what you'll expect to do in your life." Leyla admonished and smiled at her. "We must do this again."

Dani smiled back. "Sure, ma. Sure."

The next day she entered Sgt. Taylor’s office and said, “What do you want me to do?”

-/-

“Carlos Chavez,” Reese deliberately rolled the ‘r’.

Chavez slouched on the chair, his blue boxers peeking out from his low waist pants. His skin marred by tattoos on his neck, his arm. According to his file Chavez was originally from Drew Street, his uncle was a member of one of the avenue gangs in Glassdale Park before he was gunned down.

“Don’ wear it out sweetheart.” He winked at her and added something in Spanish. Reese only raised her eyebrows.

Crews leaned forward, placed his hands flat on the table. “Now, that’s just rude.”

“Y’know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat—“

“Assault, theft, drugs,” Reese read off Chavez’s file, “you got a list here longer than my partner's laundry list bet if we dig deeper we’ll find a couple of dead bodies in your closet.”

Chavez was smug. “Most likely would but you got nothin’ on me and you ain’t gonna get nothin’.”

“We heard you and your buddies were angry with these boys,” she pushed the mug shots of Jackson and Sullivan, smiling and alive.

“I heard these boys were dead.”

“Heard? Or know?”

Shit eating grin. “”Wouldn’t you wanna know?”

“Your boys killed them?”

“What d’you expect? They were hornin’ in on Cinco territory,” he sneered, “we warned ‘em, told ‘em they’d get a hole on their heads.” Chavez pressed a finger to his temple and cocked his thumb, “Now, they’re dead.”

Crews looked at her, he circled behind Chavez. “You admit to killing them?”

“I ain’t admitting anything,” Chavez leaned close, dropped his hand to the picture and aimed his imaginary gun to Sullivan’s forehead, “but I bet these motherfuckers are real ugly now.”

“Oh, and how’s that?”

“’Cause no one shot in the face is ever gonna look pretty, right, beautiful?” He puckered his lips and made a kissing motion in Reese’s direction.

Reese stared at him, long and hard. Chavez smirked at her. She tilted her head slightly but her eyes never left his, he blinked and the smirk dropped slightly. Crews finished his circuit around Chavez.

“You’re wasting our time.” Reese turned her back on Chavez and reached for the door. “Go back to your buddies.”

Chavez blinked, “What?”

But she and Crews were already out the door.

-/-

They swore her in in Taylor’s office with only Taylor, Grady and another woman Dani didn’t know as witnesses. They gave her a badge and gun but kept the certificate that recognized her as a sworn officer of the law.

It would be a long time before Dani would ever see it again.

“You have to disappear for awhile,” Grady told her, “your family will be asking questions, Lara will inform your family about your detail but no more than that.”

“My father—“

Grady and Taylor exchanged glances. She didn’t like what that meant.

“We’ll handle Captain Reese.” Grady told her. “Right now all you have to focus on is your training.”

He passed Dani a worn piece of paper, Dani took it and glanced at the address, she recognized the area. It was one of those abandoned industrial areas.

“Don’t be late,” Taylor said, he uncrossed his arms. “I hate late.”

“I won’t be,” she assured him.

“Be sure.”

The other woman Lara elbowed Taylor, “Don’t mind him.”

Dani nodded. This was it, she was really doing this she looked down at her badge and at her very first service weapon, a Glock.

“Bill, I’m going, there’s a wire I still need to listen to.” She heard Grady say. “Oh, and one more thing.” Dani looked, Grady held his hand out, “Welcome to the Force, Officer Reese.”

-/-

They were sitting out in the park Reese moved her coffee around. "Chavez and his crew didn't do it."

"He got the cause of death wrong." Crews agreed. “He’s only after the credit.”

"But it could still be one of the gang members." Reese said, putting it out there just in case. "We got no witnesses, fingerprints doesn't match any on record..."

"It could be one of their clientele." Crews suggested. He didn't buy anything this time, no fruit appearing from his pockets or tea for him to fiddle with. Instead he seemed content to soak up the sun.

"For a guy who doesn't tan you do that a lot."

Crews opened one eye then the other and a smile appeared on his face. "Reese, are you concerned about me?"

"No."

The smile turned into a grin. "You are, you are concerned about me!"

"I just don't want you incapacitated because you were sunburned." She said, testily. "We have a huge caseload this week."

He continued to grin at her.

Reese scowled. "If you don't stop smiling I'm going to pour coffee on you."

"Alright." He said, after a long moment. She heard him took a deep breath. "We can do background checks on the alibis."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." Reese said and out of the corner of her eye she saw Crews raise his hand and study it against the sunlight. Reese shook her head, she long ago accepted Crews would be weird, even before she met him in the River wash. She just didn’t know how weird.

She returned her attention back to the street and let her breath even out.

-/-

In total, she had four weeks training.

“You know what I hate almost as much as the dirt bags on the streets?” Taylor growled. They were in one of the abandoned buildings. Dani leaned against a table that creaked every time she moved. The detail’s HQ wasn’t exactly what she pictured. She thought it’d be more hi-tech and less condemned building. “Rookies.”

Taylor paced, kicking up a lot of dust as he did. “Cocky and fucking wet behind the ears. I don’t need idealistic shits either.” He turned to Dani, she wondered if he thought he was teaching to an audience. “Are you an idealistic shit?”

“No, sir.”

Without any warning, Taylor lunged forward.

Dani scrambled back in surprise, the table protesting in a loud groan. “The fu—“

“You’re dead.” Taylor growled. “You don’t call me ‘sir’ and you don’t call any other UC that way unless you want them dead!” Dani leaned back, his breath ghosting over her, smelling like garlic and beer.

He crossed his arms, “And that’s the first lesson, everything you ever learned in the Academy, you gotta forget. You’re a goddamned UC and the only thing that’ll keep you alive is to stop acting like a cop. Looking at you now I can tell you’re a cop.”

“Right,” Dani was annoyed. She was in plain clothes and not in uniform, the only way he could tell was because he knew. “Because you think I’m natural police.”

“Fuck that.” He gestured to her, “You walk like that in Echo Park and Highland Park they’ll peg you as a cop. Your hair’s up, your clothes are pressed and your goddamned shoes are spit shining clear. You’re all fucking regulation it’s disgusting.”

Taylor stopped, looked at her.

Dani realized what he wanted her to do and reached up to pull the rubber band from her hair and shook it down. Taylor watched her and frowned unexpectedly.

The next few days he immersed her in the rules and players of the LA drug scene, she knew some of it, hard not to but some of the things he told her surprised the hell out of her. “If we know all these things, why don’t we do anything about it?”

“Two things, Reese.” He held up two fingers, “Proof and the big picture. Sure you got the dealers but they’re small fish in a big goddamned Ocean. If you wanna stop this thing, you gotta go for the big fish.”

Taylor massaged the back of his neck, “Look, Reese, as a Narc cop. Especially as an undercover narc cop, you’re going to see a lot of things other cops don’t get to see. It ain’t a black and white world you’re going into. Things get blurry and fucked up. A lot of the times, you’ll be itching to arrest people you meet but you gotta learn to turn a blind eye.” He put his hands on her desk, leaned forward, “Can you do that?”

“I can do that, sarge.”

Taylor snorted, “That’s what they all say.”

The third week was all about the controlled buys, Dani thought she was already dressed down with her faded jeans and shirt but Taylor shook his head, tossed a baggy shirt and offered a couple of pages of carbon paper and then ordered her to walk around the mud.

“You’re supposed to be a goddamned junkie, Reese, not a fucking model out for a stroll.”

By the time Dani was done, her face and hands were dirtied with carbon paper and her rubber shoes, not even all that new, looked old and battered.

It was strange, talking amicably to a dealer when every instinct she has, learned and ingrained told her to arrest him. Stranger to actually buy something from him, Dani didn’t need to act like she was jumpy because she already was.

When they returned to home base and she showed Taylor the dope she bought, he nodded approvingly and raised his camera. “We got three caught in the act, least it could do is get these dirt bags off the streets for a couple of days.”

One morning, she arrived early she entered the back entrance and climbed up the steps. Two other members of the detail where bent over the table studying the latest intel. “Hey, Taylor in?”

Rock nodded to the office, “Yeah, in there.”

“Thanks.” Dani opened the door and stopped.

“—a goddamned honey trap!”

“We’ve worked too hard to back down now, Taylor, if we wanna bring him down we have to do it this way.”

Dani backed away quickly and re-entered the office with as much noise as she could make. Taylor and the Lieutenant were out of the office, Taylor still looked red and the Lieutenant looked guilty.

“Goddamn it, Reese,” Taylor growled, “You’re late!”

“Sorry, sir.”

“Good to see you, Officer.” Lieutenant Grady said then looked at Taylor. "It's the end of the discussion. You want to bring him down, this is how it goes."

He turned on his heel and left.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

A line in the sand. Dani thought she could draw a line in the sand in her undercover work, the line where she'd say 'Fuck you' to her superiors because this wasn't what she signed up for. She signed up to be a cop, not to enable druggies to get high just so she could get more information, not to pretend she'd be shooting up, not to pretend to like a guy just because he was connected to a cartel.

But there were the things Dani learned about herself during undercover:

She can lie like nobody's business. She can lie with a straight face; lie looking like shit, covered in shit. Lie with a muzzle of a gun stuck to her face and demanding her to do things she would never do.

Lying came easy for Dani and it shouldn't have been a surprise. It was the only way to survive under her father's house.

Lying by omission, lying to tell him or both parents where she was and who she was with or as simple as learning a language she was forbidden to learn. Cop kids either didn't lie or learned to well.

But the best lies Dani said were the lies she told herself.

-/-

They always say your first time sticks with you and that's true for most things: first kiss, first time you fired a gun, first time you had sex, first kill and first hit.

First kiss was easy, Jeremy Laurence. She was fourteen and he was fifteen. Jeremy was cute and had freckles along his nose with his dark hair and smiling eyes. He made her heart flutter, even when he smirked. Dani thought he was cool.

She remembered how surprised she was at how soft his lips were and how sloppy the whole process was and then Jeremy put his hand awkwardly on her left breast. She developed early and she was the only girl in her class to wear a bra at twelve. The kiss ended with Jeremy shouting bloody murder when she kneed him on the groin.

Sex was high school and beer. The only first she had vague memories about but Dani remembered it was awkward and messy and Dani thinking what the hell the big deal was. It took college for Dani to realize how much fun sex could be and how much she really liked it.

The first time she fired a gun, she was 10 years old, Leyla caught Dani holding Jack's service weapon, a revolver. Her father was mad and angry and all the things that described Jack Reese. He grabbed her arm and forced her to listen to a two-hour lecture on gun safety and told her: "If you're going to play with my guns, you damn well better learn to do it the right way."

He drove her to the firing range and drilled her on the right way to hold guns, shoot a target, draw and holster a gun. He drilled her until she had it right, never letting up. Always that barking, emotionless tone: "Again."

Dani doubted this what her mother had in mind when she marched to her husband and demanded Jack keep a better eye on his weapon.

The first time she killed a man was like the first time she had sex: messy, fast and loud. It was a raid, one of the first buy bust operations she was allowed in. Her Kevlar was too tight on her frame and then there were shouts of: 'Police! Police!'

The gangbangers responded with gunfire. Instinct and training took over. Once the gunfight ended and the smell of gunpowder and blood filled the air Dani stared at the bodies around them, the survivors crying for surrender. She didn't know which of the dead bodies was the one felled by her gun.

She did remember the glassy eyes, her shaky hands at the recoil and the giddiness over the first successful raid giving way to nausea. The beer and the whiskey after the raid helped her sleep and forget the glassy eyes.

But of all the firsts, the one that stood out above everything else, above the hazy memories was the first time she took a hit. If she closed her eyes she could remember it vividly, needle in the arm the inevitable wait for the drug to take effect. She didn't want to, the first time, never expected to do so but her target was suspicious. She can't join in with the party if she didn't party with his product.

And she was so close to breaking in so, so close. Months of undercover work boiled down to that point and so very aware that if she didn't sell this it would be far worse than getting a reprimand. So she took the needle and told herself it was only once, just once and for this case only.

The pain and the fear and everything else vanished and, God… she still dreamed of that first high. It's the ghost all addicts chase after, the one that started it all. Booze and fucking can only take it so far.

A quick pinch of the needle, a line on a table and that's all it took—

The line in the sand blurred into nothing.

-/-

Coffee was on her desk when she arrived, Reese dropped her jacket on her chair. The collar of her shirt felt damp, Reese reached up and made sure her hair was in place. Crews had called to remind her about the meeting with the SID crew but Reese suspected he'd called her because he was bored. Ever since he made a crack about calling only when there were homicides Reese knew he'd find a way to remedy that.

He started calling her early in the morning, all hours of the day dropping in inane bits of trivia and then saying goodbye before she could cut the connection herself. She didn't have an adult for a partner, she had a goddamned twelve year old.

Reese placed her sunglasses on the desk and watched Crews watch his phone vibrate, he had on a satisfied smile; left alone Crews would just let it ring until it either fell or the battery died. She reached over, ignored Crews' protest and flipped the phone open.

"Crews' phone."

Crews watched her, dismayed. "Hey, Connie." She raised her eyebrows at him, he had on the same weird expression he always had whenever Constance was around. "Yeah, he's here." She passed the phone to Crews. "Constance, says she needs to tell you something."

"Thanks." He spun his chair around until all Reese could see was the back of his head. "Connie, how's court? Sent any guilty men to jail?"

Reese shook her head and powered up her computer.

"Detective?"

Reese turned and saw Mary Reynolds. "Mrs. Reynolds?"

Reese surreptitiously placed another folder above Luke Reynolds' file. She had the file pulled after they returned from the university, Luke died from overdose and a real bad cut of dope, weeks later Mary's sister filed a report against Sullivan and Jackson but nothing came out of it.

"May I speak with you?"

"Sure," Reese said and pulled up a chair next to her table.

Mary settled into the chair. "I wanted to talk about..." She paused and took a deep breath. Reese glanced at Crews, he was still talking to Griffiths but he swiveled his chair back around and seconds later he snapped his phone shut.

"Is this about yesterday?" Reese asked.

"Yes." Mary answered, tucking back wisps of hair that escaped her ponytail. "I wanted to... my sister, she's a very vocal person but her bark's usually worse than her bite."

"Understandable," Reese said.

"She's just very protective," Mary continued, rubbing her hands on her lap. "After Dan died, Cindy helped us a lot and she loved Luke."

"We understand." Crews said again.

"I just... I wanted it to be clear." Mary looked to Crews and he returned it, looking sympathetic and watchful. Reese took the opportunity to study Mary, hands fidgeting, moving from her lap to clutching her hands together and finally palms on the edge of Reese's desk.

"He thought I didn't know." Mary said, apropos of nothing. Reese moved her head a little, confused. "I pretended I didn't know, told myself I was only seeing things but I knew. I knew."

"You knew?" Crews asked because the words were stuck in Reese's throat.

Mary didn't look at them, diverted her attention to Reese's sunglasses. Reese watched Mary move her sunglasses around until she settled on the placing it a little between the boundary between her desk and Crews' desk. "I knew he was using drugs."

Oh. Reese thought half a second before Crews went: "Oh."

"He thought I didn't know," she repeated, "but a mother always knows we just we pretend not to know because then it wouldn't--" Mary broke off and Reese suddenly found herself under Mary's focus. "Do you have children, detective?"

Reese shook her head.

"It's hard seeing your child that way. Pretending and you pretend with them, and you think, just think: if I loved him enough... it would go away. But it doesn't and it gets worse and when you try to intervene... " Mary let go of Reese's glasses and buried her face in her hands. "They were children."

Reese didn't fidget or move or anything else because Davis stood right behind Mary with that expression. Like she'd lived through what Mary lived through. The bullpen was suddenly smaller and she was all too aware of all the people in the room.

"Mrs. Reynolds," Crews said, "would you like some tea?"

"I... I would, thank you."

"I'd like some tea myself," Crews went on, happily, "tea and coffee, Detective Reese also loves a good cup, of coffee I mean. She doesn't like tea, do you, Reese?"

"Not really." Reese murmured.

Crews stood and he moved around, blocking her view of Davis. "C'mon, Reese, let's show Mrs. Reynolds the best place to get these things."

"That's not..." Mary began.

"The world is a wide place," Crews continued. "And the sun is in its heaven."

Mary frowned, confused. "I'm sorry, what?"

Reese pulled her jacket of her chair. "We'll escort you out, Mrs. Reynolds."

"Oh..." Mary stood up, a bundle of confusion and stalled grief, when Reese turned for the elevator Davis was still looking at her.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

“Dani, is that you?”

Dani placed her hand in her pocket before turning. “Ma,” she said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I volunteer for the shelter,” her mother answered, expression odd. “I told you this before.”

“Did you?” She let out a little laugh. “Must’ve forgot.”

“What are you doing here?” Leyla asked then looked around nervously, “Are you…” she lowered her voice, “are you on duty?”

“No.” Dani said, ran her fingers through her hair then massaged her neck, “No, I was. I was walking.”

“Dani, where were you last Saturday?”

“Saturday?” She looked at Leyla blankly. Her mother was dressed in a simple dress and coat but still managed to look pressed, professional, not a hair out of place. Dani wondered if she knew how much worse she made places like this look by simply dressing the way she did. Taylor would have a thing to say to her mother, Dani suspected.

“You said you were going to visit us.” Leyla said, “Your father and I waited.”

“You mean you waited.” Dani said, feeling the lining of her coat then looked at her watch, missing the hurt expression on her mother’s face. “Something came up. Work.”

“I thought you said that your sergeant was going to try to pull you out?”

Dani rubbed her left arm, restless. “Yeah, I think I said that but you know how it is.”

“No,” her mother said, anger edging in, “I don’t. You hardly talk to me anymore.”

Dani looked around, eyes darting every corner. She didn’t like talking in the open it wrangled at her nerves. “Ma, maybe you should leave.”

“I haven’t seen you in months can we have a cup of coffee?”

Dani cricked her neck to the right and rubbed the side of her face. “I can’t, I have to be somewhere.”

“I haven’t seen you in months,” Leyla repeated in a quiet voice, “I think you can spare a few minutes for coffee.”

She wanted to run her fingers through her hair again. She can’t do this now. “Not now, I gotta… Ma, I really have to go.”

Leyla looked at her and the look in her eyes felt like ants running up and down her skin. “You don’t look well, Dani.”

“I’m fine.” Dani said. She felt like she wanted to jump out of her skin. She didn’t have time for this. She had to move, be somewhere else. “I really gotta go.”

She stilled when Leyla placed a hand on her arm. “Please, visit us sometime. I really want to see you.”

“I will,” she promised, looking past her to one of the kids standing around a shop. “I have to go. I’ll call you.”

Dani didn’t wait for her mother to respond, patted her mother on the arm and crossed the street. She didn’t look back.

-/-

The lights reflected against her car, red, blue, white and yellow changing color as she passed by each building. She'd been driving around for hours and there was that itch at the base of her skull, the restless buzz just at the edge. Reese wasn't aware she was doing what she was doing until the third time she circled a corner.

No. That was a lie. She knew what she was up to but it wasn't until the third time she admitted to herself. Hard not to, not with the way she watched a car pull up next to the guy standing on the corner. Reese pulled on her handbrake hard, tires screeching to a halt when she realized she was about to follow the car. Jesus Christ.

She shouldn't be here.

Reese doubled over. Her head hit the steering wheel with a thud. She breathed in breath coming in shallow and hard. She knew this was coming. Two days, carrying the case, immersed in that world, even just in the periphery seeing all that.

_Fuck._

"Hey, you alright?"

Reese jerked her head up, stared at the man tapping her window.

“You alright?” He repeated.

Reese nodded, gripped the steering wheel hard.

"Saw you back there," he said, "thought you maybe need a hand..."

He looked at her expectantly, to roll down a window.

"No." She answered.

"You sure?" His voice was deep and smooth, promising a lot of things.

"No." She repeated, shaking her head. She caught a glimpse of her face on the mirror and fuck. She looked like...

Dani could feel her badge dig into her side and her head hurt and damn Roman and his fucking words because she could taste it. She released the handbrake and stepped on the gas, the dealer let out a surprised squawk as her car roared into the night. Dani was shaking when she stepped off her car.

The door opened at her first knock and Mike appeared. He looked like he just got in. She could see his badge and gun on the table. He looked like crap, another bad day in Sex Crimes. She should feel guilty but she only had enough feeling for one. "Dani?"

"Are you alone?"

Mike frowned. "Yeah, I'm alone-- why--"

She pushed him inside his apartment. "You said you didn't like how things ended between us."

"Dani--" Whatever words he was about to say were lost when she reached up and kissed him. She kissed him like she was drowning and if it wasn't him it would be someone else and somewhere else and God, she needed this.

He pulled away and he was angry, angrier than the last time. "I don't like being used, Dani."

Her breathing was harsh and somewhere along the way she'd lost her top. He wasn't fairing well either. His shirt was off and somehow his tie was wound around her hand. "Then ask me to leave."

“Dammit, Dani.” He said, hissing her name as she pulled him down.

-/-

She met him.

Dani didn’t think much of it at first. He made her laugh. He was sweet and when he dragged her to the dance floor he made her feel better, sometimes, even better than the dope running in her blood.

He made her forget about being the person she was supposed to be and even forget about being Officer Dani Reese. He made everything better. He made it all better even as he dragged her down with him.

He loved to party, he loved the good life. It was easier to play the Girlfriend, get things done. He was also related to the dealer. It made things easier. Harder. Worse.

He was sweet but he was also weak, had to be if you were a junkie. Dani watched as the people around him kept bringing him down. But by then she was in a haze of her own. And then he blew his brains out and Dani stared at him in shock but all she can seem to think of was: Thank God her dope was okay.

Almost immediately she was disgusted.

That was then she knew it would never be over. Dani took all the evidence she had, tapes she collected and dumped them on the lieutenant's desk.

"I'm done," she told them.

They looked at everything she had and at each other and said: "Okay."

The next night Dani watched as people she pretended to be friends with, who were friends, were dragged out in cuffs or body bags.

She watched everyone she knew get arrested then she stood up and walked away.

-/-

Before she disappeared she called her mother and every time Leyla answered Dani found she couldn't talk. The fifth time she called, her father answered the phone. Dani didn't bother talking. She dialed another number next. This time she didn't even need to talk.

"Dani," Davis said, "you did it. You can come in now."

She didn't say anything. She breathed in, breathed out.

"Dani,” Davis repeated, “the grand jury indicted them. You can come back, be a proper cop."

"A 'proper' cop." She repeated, not quite keeping out the note of derision in her voice.

"Dani--"

She didn't hear what Davis had to say. She dropped the phone and walked.

It didn't take long for her to find a bar, buy a drink. She pulled the bindings on her hair and let it loose around her shoulders. She finished her fourth glass and slid it away.

"Buy you a drink?"

Dani looked sideways the guy was dark haired and had nice eyes. She opened her mouth to tell him to shove off but all what came out was: "Go ahead."

They ended up in his room reeking of booze and smoke. She pushed him against the wall, just like a cop would and kissed him but before they went further he pushed away, laughed and brought out the dope.

She could feel the burn at the back of her throat before snapping, “Well?”

“I like you.” He laughed.

She pushed him back into bed. “We’re not here to talk.”

The next morning she woke-up alone but the guy left some of his stash behind. In the end that was all that mattered. There were more bars and men and drugs but eventually it just became alcohol and drugs and more drugs until she was so high Dani Reese was a distant memory.

She was just another junkie in a crack house, waiting around for another fix but when she woke-up and found herself next to a dead body Dani found she was still enough of a cop to call 911 and take away all evidence of ever being there.

She didn't think about the number of times she'd wake-up in a puddle of piss and puke.

Dani _did_ think about the number of times she could end it. Take a gun to her head and squeeze. It wasn’t hard to acquire guns in LA and she knew the gun she liked, remembered the first sidearm issued to her. The Glock wasn’t heavy and all she needed was a quiet corner. Dani sat on a chair, it’s spindly legs creaking against her weight and placed the muzzle to her forehead then under her chin. The muzzle poked at her flesh, she removed the safety and cocked the gun.

All it would take was for her to squeeze the trigger.

It could all end.

It would be so easy but seconds passed into minutes and into an hour and Dani never squeezed. Because somehow, despite everything, her parent's beliefs stuck, the one thing that stuck.

-/-

"You're here early."

Reese looked up. She was sitting on top of the conference table, papers spread across. "Couldn't sleep."

"You look it." Davis leaned against the doorjamb.

"Thanks." She murmured drily and Davis shrugged. Reese gestured to the coffee pot to her left. She brought the pot with her when she got tired of crossing back and forth the bullpen. "You want some?"

"I'd say ‘yes’ but I think you need it more." Davis frowned at her. "I thought I warned you about shoes on my chairs."

Reese glanced at where her foot was settled there was a little bit of dirt on the chair. She pulled her left foot from the chair.

"Sometimes I look at you and it’s like you’re still that 14 year old sulky kid I met years ago."

"Oh, thanks." Reese said, more sarcastic. "Are you telling me I've hardly grown?"

Davis raised her eyebrows. "You're really touchy about your height, huh?"

Reese let her glare answer for her.

Davis smiled, moved forward then patted the dirt off the chair. She sat on the chair and looked at Reese. "Is this case getting to you?"

"No more than the other cases," she replied keeping her face very neutral.

"Dani," Davis leaned forward, "you look like crap. The last time I saw you looking like crap someone was forcing you to drink yourself to death."

"It's not like that."

"That's right, it's not. Last time no one needed to put a gun to your head to make you take drugs."

Reese had a retort ready for that but nothing came out and the memory of last night of what could have happened, of what did happen stopped her.

"Lieutenant?"

Reese broke eye contact and saw Sylvia, one of the civilian employees by the door. She looked at them, hesitating at Davis’ angry stare. Reese turned away and refilled her cup.

"What is it, Sylvia?" Davis asked.

"There's a man here, he says he has something to say about the Ames murder."

Reese paused, tilted her head and saw Davis hesitate. "Ames?"

"Yes, ma'am.” Sylvia nodded to a man hanging back around one of the tables. “Said you might be interested to know what he saw—“

"I'll be there." Davis stood-up and made ready to leave.

"Okay." Sylvia nodded.

Davis glanced at her and Reese returned the look but what Davis said surprised her. "I know we've had our differences but you know you can still talk to me, right?"

Reese studied Davis' face and she had the same expression on as that night long ago. "Yeah.” She said, finally, “I know."

-/-

Dani didn't know how long she stood in the gloom, watching other cops get in and out of squad cars. She didn't even know how she got there. Only, that she was there and she was shivering.

"Who's there?"

Dani stepped forward, saw Davis reach for her gun and said, "It's me."

It took a minute before Davis said: "Dani?"

"Hey, Sarge."

"People have been looking for you."

She shrugged, tried to look nonchalant but knew the shivers gave her away. "Had places to be."

"Dani, why are you here?"

"Uh, I woke-up next to a dead body a couple nights ago." She frowned. "Or was that yesterday?"

"Dani..." Davis had that look, alarmed and official looking.

"Wasn't murder, just--" she made a vague gesture, "had too much." Her laugh was tinny and Davis was looking at her like... "I have to go."

"Dani." The way Davis said her name stopped her. "Officer Reese, why are you here?"

She could walk out now, get lost again. "Don’t call me that, I'm not a cop."

"You helped bring down a drug ring. You're a cop." Davis' voice was firm, steady. "Why are you here?"

"You said..." her voice and hands shook. She was in the middle of the LAPD parking lot and she was the biggest screw-up in the department but she was here. "I need help."


	8. Chapter 8

8.

The glass was cool on her forehead and as Davis passed another intersection, Dani touched the window. She blinked as if seeing her hand for the first time. Dirty and chipped nails, grimy hands; Dani attempted to wipe her hands on her shirt but nothing happened. She pressed her hand to the seat covers and stared at the grease stains she left behind.

It was then Dani realized how she must look next to Davis, all clean and pressed.

She glanced at Davis, her focus never wandered from the road. She forgot how fast things moved for someone like Davis.

Davis had stared at her for a few seconds and then approached her, held Dani around the shoulders and guided her to her car and settled her inside all without saying a word.

“Dani, it’s going to be okay.” Davis touched her cheek, “I’ll take care of everything.”

They've been driving around for almost half an hour now by Dani’s estimate but she’s learned to mistrust her internal clock. She marked time by how long it’s been since she last took a hit.

Then they entered a gate and a driveway and stopped before an open door. There were three men in white waiting for her. Rehab. Davis took her to a rehab center and for some reason she found it funny.

“Dani?”

She stopped laughing, turned to Davis. She had the same concerned look she had in the parking lot.

“Let’s go.”

Dani nodded.

-/-

Rehab was a different kind of hell and the craving never really went away. It stayed with her for twenty-four hours, seven days a week. The twitching and shaking was unbearable and listening to other addicts speak about their pain only made her want to shake them. When her turn came, Dani lied her whole way through.

She wanted to get better, she did but there was no way in fucking hell she'll ever tell them the truth. Rehab was like being in prison, white halls, small rooms to sit and stare at even whiter walls and the mandatory NA attendance.

True, she had a better view than most prisons and a lot more freedom and more coffee than she could handle but a cage was still a cage and a small fucking room was still a small fucking room.

Her mother visited regularly, every Wednesday and Saturday, Karen every other week or when she’s not too loaded down with case work. Whatever friends she made, she'd burned or buried while undercover.

Dani didn’t know how many times her mother visited before Dani was allowed to meet her in the visitor’s area. The days between the time she entered rehab and the time she was finally conscious beyond pain/need/pain/need all blurred together.

Leyla Reese was always put together and she still was but Dani could see the years on her, the grey of her hair, the wrinkles around her eyes. Leyla survived Jack Reese and retained her inner poise and it hit Dani like a punch in the gut, after all Jack Reese put her through, it was Dani who would make her mother look like an old woman.

Dani sat at her end of the table.

"It's good to see you well, Dani."

"You too, mom." But she couldn't look her mother in the eye especially not with the way Leyla was looking at her.

The silence between them lasted a few seconds and then Leyla took a deep breath and started talking. Dani listened without really listening. She could still feel the throb of need in her veins, the ghost taste lingering at the back of her throat. If she let go of her knees her hands won't stop shaking.

“…you should cut your hair,” her mother went on. “You have such a beautiful face Dani, you should not hide it.”

Dani nodded, pushed back her hair and without warning her mother reached out and hugged her, Dani stiffened at the contact but her mother either didn’t notice or minded.

“I’m glad your back,” the words were Farsi, in a tone Dani had forgotten. Dani held on to her mother and she couldn’t let go until much, much later.

Karen’s visits were more formal, she talked about cases her unit worked on, the first few times Dani listened, sitting on her side of the table. She talked about murder, of course. Turned out she passed Sergeant sometime ago.

"Lieutenant." Dani repeated, even in the numbed stupor she was in, Dani was mildly impressed.

"Got the bars to prove it too." Karen said with a smile. "Even have a small unit in Robbery Homicide but I'm more focused on Homicides."

"Lieutenant Davis." Dani said, trying it out. "Sounds better than Sergeant Davis."

"I thought so too." Karen leaned back, "So, I was working on this case. Murder-suicide but my lead detective can't make heads or tails of it."

Dani listened as Karen rambled on, painting a picture, the first time she did this Dani was only half-listening. But it was all Karen talked about after her kids and her husband and Dani found she preferred to talk about murder and GSRs and dead bodies than re-ups and wire taps and goddamned drug lords.

The fourth time Karen arrived with a case file and two Starbuck’s coffee cups Dani figured out what Karen was doing. Dani pulled the file closer to her and read through it. She wanted to be annoyed at how easy she was played but it felt like old times, like before.

“When are you cleared to leave?”

Dani added another spoonful of sugar to her coffee before answering. “Whenever they say I’m cleared to leave.”

“That’s a lot of sugar.” Karen remarked.

“That’s what mom said.” It was either coffee or cigarettes. She could do both, she smoked before but Dani didn’t think she needed another thing to add to her list.

“Thought of what you want to do after?”

She stirred the coffee, making slow circular motions and watching the black liquid swirl around. “One day at a time, Lieutenant.”

Her father never visited. She never asked for him.

After a few months of playing at the good patient, of slowly getting used to ignoring the piercing need until she was able to convince herself that it was all background Dani was cleared to leave but not before she was given a few ground rules, An Addict’s Guide from Relapsing.

No alcohol, no intimate relationships for the first six months--

"You mean sex?"

Her therapist adjusted her glasses. "We advise against it."

She looked at the brochures, she was anxious to leave. "I think I got everything."

"Good luck, Dani."

Dani nodded, took her bags and made for the lobby expecting her mother or Karen.

"Dani."

She paused in her tracks. It wasn't her mother or Karen waiting for her in the lobby. "Dad."

"You ready?" He stood-up, rolled the paper he was reading and looked at her. Sometime before the last time she saw him his hair had gone completely white but his eyes were still the same.

"Yeah."

The ride back home was silent. Dani kept her eyes forward but once or twice her eyes would wander and she’d find herself studying her father.

"You're going back to the force," Dani turned to look at him. "You were promised a promotion after your stint in Narcotics."

"I thought--"

"It was Karen's doing, if it were up to me you’d be off the force." Her father's knuckles were white. "You screwed up."

Dani bit her tongue to keep from saying something equally scathing like the Bank of fucking LA.

"Of all the goddamned things you had to go undercover. Now you're a junkie."

"I'm clean now,” She hated how defensive he makes her.

"For how long?" He pointed at her, menacing. "Because I've known junkies like you."

She tried not to flinch but somewhere inside she was still that little girl and that annoyed her. "I'm a cop."

She matched his stare.

He looked away first but Dani didn’t chuck that to her victory. "Go say 'hi' to your mother."

-/-

She had a week of freedom before she started and the first thing she did was burn all her clothes. The incinerator was handy for that.

Dani stayed with her parents the first month, just enough to get back on her feet, days spent studying for the detectives' exam her books and notes scattered next to a stack of post-rehab literature and after care programs.

Her mother always spent an hour or two talking to her, giving her advice, trying to convince Dani to join her visits to the church. Dani always politely declined. The first day back Dani went to set her things on the sink taking and piling things up. Dani opened the medicine cabinet and stared at the bottles of medicines lined neatly in the cabinet. She took a deep breath and shut it carefully when she turned her father was standing outside the bathroom.

The next day when she opened the cabinet again all the medicines were gone, even the mouthwash.

She started back to the beginning. Or as close to the beginning she was ever going to get. Scrubbed and in loose pants and shirt she found in her cabinet and a leather jacket she hadn’t used in a while, she looked at herself for a long moment before clipping on the badge and the service weapon. She was going to do this the right: do the job, keep her head down and maybe just maybe she’ll survive long enough to earn her twenty.

The day she was officially back on active duty a civilian employee toured her through the bullpen as if she were some rookie. They gave her the desk at the center close to the interrogation rooms, close to the lieutenant’s office and hard to hide from prying eyes. The civilian volunteer smiled at her, “Welcome to Robbery-Homicide, Detective Reese.” It took a while before she realized he didn’t mean her father. “After you’ve settled in Lieutenant Davis would like a word.”

“Sure,” she said, “I’ll be there.”

In her time in Narcotics she never had a desk of her own, she always had to share with some new member of the team. Always scrambling for space because the budget was too low to even get proper desks, all the money they had were sunk into surveillance equipment: wire taps, phone cloning, etc.,

She approached the door and read the 'Lt. Davis' glazed on the glass door. It hit her, staring at the letters, Karen Davis wouldn't just be Karen, from here on out, Karen would also be her Lieutenant. It was something to get used to. Lieutenant Davis instead of just Karen. She looked past the letters and into the office and saw Karen wave her in.

"Detective."

"Lieutenant," she answered.

"Are you all settled in?" The tone was friendly but Karen was sitting behind the desk and it made it easy for her to think of Karen as her CO.

She glanced back where her desk was there wasn't much on it, just a computer. "Pretty much."

"I'm assigning you to Jeffries," Davis informed her, "you'll be riding a desk job for a while, at least until you learn the ropes." At least until I learn to trust you not to screw-up and fall down on the job went unsaid. "Jeffries is retiring in two months, hopefully by then you've learned all the ropes."

She nodded, it was fair, more than what she expected.

"That said," Davis smiled at her. "Good to have you back, Detective Reese."

The smile she had on was truly genuine. "It's good to be back, LT."

-/-

They returned to the scene of the crime, Reese nodded at the uniform at the door; he was only there for another day before they release the crime scene. She ducked under the tape, most of the smell had gone. Crews stepped around the markings on the floor, waiting for her to start. They did this, sometimes, when nothing else would make sense. Get inside the heads of the victims, the killers. They were scarily good at it.

"They stood here." Reese stopped at the spot, planted her feet. Crews joined her.

"What were they doing?"

She approached the table, cleared of all paraphernalia but Reese could still see everything in her head. "They were done." The grains under her hand was smooth, "they were ready to move."

"The killer arrived." Crews said, motioned to the door, "they let the killer in."

"Someone they trust or knew."

"And didn't expect."

She turned, "You think it's not just bein' gunned down that surprised them?"

He pointed to where Sullivan fell, held up the crime scene photo. "He was shot with his back turned, he looked like he barely had time to react."

Reese pulled out Jacksons' photo. "Same thing as Jackson, only this time he faced the killer, killer unloaded the chamber on Jackson."

"The killer was angrier at Jackson?"

Reese thought about it. "Let's see how this works."

Crews positioned himself in front of Reese. “I arrive.”

“I have my back turned,” Reese turned around, shook her head, “No, I was the one who let you in. I turn around—“

“And I shoot you. Bang.”

“Sullivan falls,” Reese let the photo of Sullivan fall then positioned herself in Jackson’s place. “Jackson hears it, he turns.”

“Sees me with a gun.” He waved his imaginary gun at her, “And I shoot him. A lot.”

Reese dropped Jackson’s photo. They stare at the two photos in silence.

“Something doesn’t add up.” Reese said the same moment Crews piped up with:

“It doesn’t seem right, Reese.”

She worried her lower lip looked to the door then to Crews. “Switch.”

Crews obliged her. They switched places, this time Reese walked all the way to the door, closed it. The uniform eyed her curiously. Reese ignored him and knocked on the door. Crews opened it.

“I think the killer did surprise them.” She told him, “Sullivan opened the door and whoever was behind the door surprised them.”

“Surprised but trusted,” Crews continued, “its why Sullivan turned away.”

Reese watched Crews turn around and reached for her imaginary gun, “The killer drew the gun.”

“Jackson was about to turn,” Crews craned his neck to look at her, “maybe the killer was banking on surprise.”

Crews presented his back again and Reese raised her arm, he wouldn’t see if she shoot him but Jackson would… “The killer was nervous.” She theorized. “It’s why she drew the gun and pulled the trigger right then. Sullivan turned around,” Reese tipped her imaginary gun at Crews’ direction, “and bang.”

“Sullivan falls,” Crews said, “Jackson hears, turns to the direction of the sound, surprised…”

“And because our killer was nervous…” Reese swung her arm around, tried to feel the anger and the anxiousness. She killed that kid already, it was probably louder and messier than what the killer expected and the other kid was turning so the killer would have no choice and squeezed the trigger. “Unloaded the whole clip into Jackson.”

She could see it in her mind but the motivation didn’t make sense. “The killer was angry and scared. What was the killer angry about? It doesn’t feel like--”

“The killer was angry about the drug thing, I don’t think it’s about the money either.” He finished.

If she looked at him now, if she chanced a look now Reese knew that he’d have his thoughtful expression on, the one she classified as his Zen look.

“They were kids.” She heard Crews say.

Reese looked at him, “What?”

He was kneeling, touching the floor. He looked up at her, forehead crinkled in confusion. In this light his eyes were pale, intense and disturbing. “They were kids.”

Reese stared at the floor, at the door and Crews. “I think I know what happened.” She pulled her phone from her jacket, “Yeah, can you pull a print for me.” Crews looked at her curiously, he stood-up. Reese took out her sunglasses. “Why don’t we get you some fruit?”

He grinned. “I like that.”

-/-

Four months. That was how long it took before Davis let her off the leash but not without condition.

"You want me to go to AA?"

"You want to stay tied to the desk?" Davis countered with a raised eyebrow.

Four months doing desk duty with only an occasional trip out and that was when she was still with Jeffries. She supposed she should feel sorrier now that Jeffries was gone but they weren't really partners. She was assigned to him as a means for her to learn, a refresher to unlearn all the things she's picked up in Narcotics.

‘_Drugs_,’ he’d say in his smoke ravaged voice, ‘_don’t mean a damned thing in Homicide unless it was directly connected to homicide. Killing’s the worse crime, not dope dealing_.’

Reese never said anything to that only went on typing the reports he had no patience to file.

There were few things she needed to learn from Jeffries; Davis' visits did their purpose. In the end there was only so much she could learn behind a desk and being tied to the desk staring at her computer was driving her crazy.

"AA." She repeated.

"Dani," Davis said. "I know how you drink."

Reese wanted to say that her drinking wasn't a problem and stopped when she saw Davis' frank gaze. She looked away. "I'll go to a meeting."

-/-

They found her in her house, sitting on the edge of the pool. Reese slowed her steps but didn't stop. "Mrs. Reynolds?"

"Reese." Crews called softly. She glanced at him then followed his gaze back to Mary.

There was a gun on her lap.

"Luke used to swim," Mary dipped her hand in the pool. "He loved to swim, when he was younger we always had trouble getting him out of the pool."

"Mrs. Reynolds," she began again, an eye on the .38. "We're here to arrest you."

Mary looked at them sideways. "I know."

"You called them children," Crews began, "You saw Sullivan and Jackson that day." Mary didn't respond. Crews removed his sunglasses. "You were going to turn yourself in the day of the station but we didn’t listen."

Reese kept her hand on her holster but Mary made no move to do anything with the revolver on her lap.

Mary said distantly. "Didn't he know how much I loved him?"

Reese glanced at Crews he was silent and watchful with that look in his eyes, the piercing laser like focus that unsettled people.

"Didn't he know?" Mary asked again and the distance was gone.

"He knew." Reese blinked, surprised at herself for answering. "Luke knew you loved him." Mary glanced at her briefly before returning to stare at the water. Reese glanced behind and saw Crews watching her. Reese returned her attention back to Mary and slowly sat beside her. "Sometimes it only made it harder. Worse...” Mary was still and silent but Reese wasn't talking to Mary now, it was all the things she never said, all the words her mother wanted to hear but she could never articulate. “You thought he just needed to stop himself, be strong. How hard could it be? But it doesn't work that way. Our brains don't work that way. It's not about strong or right or smart or about love. He probably thought the same thing. He'd think about quitting and it’d work at least until the next time he’d crave for a fix and when that happens... Nothing mattered beyond that.

"But even through that he did love you, he just couldn't stop."

A heavy silence fell and Reese studied the pattern on the tiles, Crews didn’t move or speak but she could feel his stare on her back and it prickled the back of her neck. Reese looked at Mary and found Mary watching her.

"They were so young.” Mary began, voice so low Reese had to lean in to hear. “When Luke died I was devastated, I couldn’t understand how he could do that to himself. I tried everything I could. Everything but— and he died. My baby boy. And then I learned about those boys, those boys were still out there and free and selling those things that killed my baby. I was so angry. I wanted to… tell them, to make them feel what I felt. So I followed them and when I saw how alive they still were, how happy and oblivious to what they did to my son, to me. I—I didn’t think about it, I just brought out my husband’s gun and I--

"I didn't realize... they were so young. They looked liked Luke's age." She looked to Reese, eyes pleading and so raw. "They were only children and I killed them." The words were broken, "I killed them.”

-/-

She worked cases alone. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why. The details of her undercover work might have been sealed but people talk and no one wanted to go around carrying a Detective One with as dubious a reputation she had.

A few months working it alone, putting her head down and it almost works. Except for that one train wreck with Mike Bloom and her inability to follow rules that ensured safety from her own stupidity.

“Detective,” Davis called just as she entered the station. “Come here a minute.”

Reese nodded, removing her jacket. She took one of the case folders with her and entered Davis’ office.

“Here.” Davis passed a slip of paper to her.

Reese took the paper there was only one name on it.

“You know him?”

“Yeah.” She nodded and wondered if Davis was assigning her a cold case. Hard to miss the name when that’s all the station could talk about.

“Good.” Davis sipped her coffee and placed it on the table, next to a picture of her husband. “’Cause he’s your new partner.”

Reese stared at Davis and tried to figure out if she was pulling her leg.

“The City of LA settled and so did the Department.” Davis didn’t like it, Reese could tell by the annoyed clip in her voice. “They’re reinstating Crews as detective but you’ll have seniority over him.”

Reese knew what this was, another in a long line of hoops she had to jump through. She studied the note, it wasn’t written in Davis’ handwriting. “When’s he starting?”

“He’s going through a refresher and the Detective’s exam. He’ll be done in two weeks.”

“Is that all, LT?”

Davis studied her Reese knew she expected a different reaction but Reese knew the rules. She messed up and she was lucky to even get a second chance. She had no settlement to tie her in place unlike this guy.

“No,” Davis said, “that’s all, Detective.”

-/-

Some arrests were harder than most. Mary's broken sobs cast a somber mood over the tableaux of uniforms. Reese felt tired and tried not to feel anything, or remember the night before.

"You said," Mary said before Officer Krebs took her away, "you said 'our brains..?'"

Reese clapped the cuffs gently on Mary's wrist, secured it and quietly: "I did."

Mary looked at her with something like understanding and went away with drooped shoulders.

Night fell quickly and Reese leaned against her car and watched the city come alive. LA spread out in all directions, twinkling. Somewhere out there another crime was being committed, another death, another tragedy. Reese shut her eyes but the twinkling of the city was imprinted behind her eyes. The car shifted and she opened her eyes to see Crews settle beside her. He held out his hand, offering her juice.

She looked at the plastic cup. There wasn't a juice bar around the area. Crews held it patiently before her, Reese took the juice off his hand, felt the moisture beneath her fingertips.

Reese breathed in the city, the night.

“I can work this.” With you, with all the other things.

Crews turned, he looked pale and as tired as she felt but when he smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkled. “I think so too.”

 

 

-End-

 

 

But Mikhail's sorrow was so deep

he couldn't hear the earth

or think of other people and the world.

Yet in this car on this afternoon, his grief

was shared by others and the world today.

 

_from_ **HUMAN LANDSCAPES FROM MY COUNTRY **(An Epic Novel in Verse)

NAZIM HIKMET (1902-1963)

_Translated from the Turkish by Randy Blasing and Mutlu Konuk_


End file.
